That where there is hatred, I may bring love...

[AnewAmy]

Yay for medication!!!!!

[LolaL]

I talked to H again at lunch. That made me feel better. I feel...I don't know. Surreal right now I guess. I think I am just tired in general. But I do feel better since I talked to him. It is hard, I do miss him so much. I know where I am at this time, and I suppose part of it is because once we hit this point, I usually blow it. I also know this time will be different. I have become much stronger, and am aware of the backsliding behaviors, and have done really well not to do it again. I can hear in his voice, with the way we talk now, that he is getting more comfortable. I like that feeling of him opening up to me again.

Of course, my biggest problem is my lack of patience, I want it now!!! I know that is not going to happen, and actually I am okay. I think the biggest thing I miss is the feeling of him next to me when I go to sleep.

[MichelleLT]

Of course, my biggest problem is my lack of patience, I want it now!!! I know that is not going to happen, and actually I am okay.

Good for you! You sound good! I am glad you are being very introspective and self-aware. You are such a wonderful person!

I think the biggest thing I miss is the feeling of him next to me when I go to sleep.

Isn't that the worst? It sucks trying to get used to sleeping alone. (((Lola)))

[Virtually_Handsome]

Of course, my biggest problem is my lack of patience, I want it now!!! I know that is not going to happen, and actually I am okay.

Good for you! You sound good! I am glad you are being very introspective and self-aware. You are such a wonderful person!

I think the biggest thing I miss is the feeling of him next to me when I go to sleep.

Isn't that the worst? It sucks trying to get used to sleeping alone. (((Lola)))

You just need a cat! (Ooops, you are allergic to them, aren't you, Michelle?)

Though, I've got to say, it's not quite the same!

[LolaL]

I have three cats...and there are no kitties allowed in the bedroom!!!!!!! They leave too much hair on my bed...and then I sneeze all night!!!

[LolaL]

Thanks Michelle...but if it hadn't been for you and Jeff the first few months, I don't think I would still be fighting...

[MichelleLT]

If it wasn't for Jeff and NikB...I wouldn't have stuck it out either I don't think.

(((Lola)))

Yes, Jeff, I am allergic. I just have 4 pillows on my bed and a pile of clothes that I can pretend is a person lol.

[AnewAmy]

I have this urge to chant..."Go Lola...Go Lola...Go Lola"

[LolaL]

I don't know. The meeting w/ H went well last night. But it is overshadowed by the fact that my car was repossessed, and now I feel like my entire life has fallen apart.

I want to know why God is doing this. I want to know why I have lost my H, my home, my car, and my sanity in the process. I want to know why???? WHY???

I think I am hitting bottom, and I am wondering if there is any ladder to bring me back up.

[Kalni]

Hey Lola dear,

you are such a nice person. We say God only sends us what HE knows we can take/stand. Take a deep breath, when you hit bottom, up is the only way to go. You will see. Trust me.
Love
K