I talked to H again at lunch. That made me feel better. I feel...I don't know. Surreal right now I guess. I think I am just tired in general. But I do feel better since I talked to him. It is hard, I do miss him so much. I know where I am at this time, and I suppose part of it is because once we hit this point, I usually blow it. I also know this time will be different. I have become much stronger, and am aware of the backsliding behaviors, and have done really well not to do it again. I can hear in his voice, with the way we talk now, that he is getting more comfortable. I like that feeling of him opening up to me again.

Of course, my biggest problem is my lack of patience, I want it now!!! I know that is not going to happen, and actually I am okay. I think the biggest thing I miss is the feeling of him next to me when I go to sleep.

Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..