Four years ia a long time. I guess it's not really fair of me to say "if it were me, I wouldn't (give up)." I can't say, because I haven't walked in your shoes. I have my own shoes, my own path which is similar but different than yours. Four years is a long long time.
I spoke to a psychiatrist who told me, living depressed can change your brain chemistry. If you live depresssed for too long, you actually change your brain, and it becomes much more difficult to recover. So if you are depressed while waiting, I would say, you have to change something.
I was depressed for a while, but I decided to take a longer view. Of course I am not four years in, so it is easier for me. Also my situation is still evolving. My mate hasn't even moved out of the hosue yet, hasn't gotten a job... I mean the "real life" effects of the split have not been seen. Not totally true. On my side, I feel like there have been lots of repercussions. On her side, not so much. It is now happening.
I was thinking about this the other day - the length of time in any particular situation is not the important thing. It is the ... i don't know the right word... the maturity? of the situation... Time and the progress along a path are only loosely related. Moving house, getting a job... those are big steps toward real separation. So far, unbelievably to me, she hasn't yet taken those steps. But those steps are coming now.
I'm not feeling vindictive about it. It's just... reality is starting. Maybe she will love the independence, the self-sufficiency. She'll have much less money, but maybe that is her dream - to have her own job, punch the clock, work alld ay and then care for kids at night, and do it all on her terms. Maybe that will be really good for her and invigorating and empowering.
Or maybe she will think - you know, I like my newly developed independence, but I would like a partner in this journey.
I have been waiting a long long time but I will wait a little more. By waiting, I don't mean I am sitting at home waiting for the phone to ring. I just mean, living, developing my own independence and keeping a little place in my heart open, just in case.
Hey Maximus, I'm sorry, maybe you already clarified all this. But I forget. Can you point me to a timeline for the past 4 years for you?
