I'm back after a long absence

[123snap]

well we seem to be in a state of detaunt. H seems to know that I could very well ask him to move out, he asked me yesterday afternoon if I had thought any about what we talked about, duh!!

I asked him for assurances that if I say stay for now that he won't change his mind in a week or two weeks or what ever... basically he said he can't see moving out at this time there is still stuff he needs to do blah blah blah.

I don't think he knows what he wants, I think he is feeling depressed, guilty, and angry and thinks that those emotions will be better when he is alone, well they aren't going to go away until he processes them and deals with them, he will be just as depressed, guilty, and angry seperated, just now he can add on guilt of splitting the family up, and loneliness to the mix, gosh sounds like fun, sign me up.

He got a dose of karma. Last night in an effort to honor his sleep need, I let the dogs out at 1:30 am when they barked, they did their thing and then started playing around and making noise so I put the little dog in the car so we wouldn't be able to hear him (don't worry the temp is cool here) and went back to bed, often when when we need to do that we use his kennel but last night I was too tired.

Now you should know that this is my dog, and the kids are pretty attached to this dog as well. This morning while I am showering he comes in with a horrible painful sounding voice and says he thinks the dog was outside all night and he can't find him, I calmly inform him the dog is in the car.

Later I find out he was just sick because he left the dog out last night at one point when he was taking too long and had no memory of letting him in, this is a very small dog and he was worried that coyotes had got him. He said he didn't know how he was going to tell us and was feeling sick over the thought.

Well karma is a bitch sometimes.

I am trying to remain calm and put myself into other things right now. I have a personal counseling session tomorrow.