(Nikki, I cross-posted. You are right. I wasn't trying to write this friend off, so much as stop bothering her if she really didn't want to hear it anymore. As much as I love her, she avoids conflict a lot and plays both sides of an argument...I was afraid that I didn't know where I stand with her).
I went back and re-read all that everyone wrote; thank you all so much. It does help.
The shift of thinking is there...I just hate how fragile my self-esteem actually is.
This is going to sound stupid, but I remember as a kid, all an adult had to do to bring me to tears is look at me with "that look." Especially mom. I always tried so hard. And this freakin' feels like that.
I can't stand it. It CAN NOT MATTER what he thinks or does. God, I am such a broken record at this point.
How long does it take to undo damage in childhood, so it doesn't keep rearing its ugly head? Why am I so attached to the memory of what no longer exists?
How can he seem to be exactly the same with everyone else, except me?
I have to say F*ck this, F*ck him. And mean it. I just can't put myself in any position where he can get to my self-esteem. God, this sucks.
I'm not the one who had an affair.....why do I feel like sh!t?
