I do feel for you, and for your situation. Raising your kids yourself -- with regular visitation from their mother -- would be a huge sacrifice.
I also think it's the right thing to do.
My advice to you has been based on trying to save your marriage. If that's no longer what you're trying to do, you can go ahead and continue to try to appease your wife (and that's how I read your descriptions of your interactions and decision-making with her), but even post-marriage and co-parenting, I don't see where it's going to be best for you and for your kids. "Not making her mad" is not going to necessariliy create real, lasting peace in your family.
In my opinion, your children need to see from you a man of character who's willing to fight for what he believes in, not what will be the easier path, or what won't piss off their mother.
Whichever path you choose to go, you've got some tough years ahead of you. I don't see one path as being significantly less painful than the other.
I'll leave you with this final thought: if the roles were reversed (say, you were messed up, and had a gambling addiction or something) . . . wouldn't you want your wife to fight for you, for your marriage, and for your family?
