I have been separated from my WAW now for 9 months. I went to IC for 7 of those months. My WAW has noted the massive changes in me. I have become the best father I possibly can to my 2 children. Everyone notes this, including her. Even my kids are aware of who I have become to them. I have done so many 180's, I have GAL and taken up so many new hobbies. My W is nice to me, especially as it pertains to the kids. We text ever few days about the kids. We went to a movie together about a month ago and have gone out once with our kids. Really, in the grand scheme of things we are as good as it gets. My W is always encouraging me to take the kids more and I do. They are very vocal to her about missing me. I have stopped initiating contact with her and only respond to her contact. It's just sooo damn hard to get along well with her, have her note my changes, demonstrate how good of a father I am, GAL and have a PMA and it have no effect. Yes, I know we do this for ourselves but it just rips my heart out...9 months later. The days after I have my kids are the hardest. I just can't imagine this is how my life is going to be moving forward. I miss my family so much. There are so many great things going on in my life and all I want to do is share them with my family. Everyone around us just keeps saying over and over to me "I don't get why you two are getting divorced"? Sorry to vent but I am sooo sad.
Me/W: 46/36 D7.6/S6 T/M: 7.5/6.5 Bomb 12/05/07 D final: 03/03/09
(((Whit))) Sorry you are so sad too. It is a long process, isn't it?
You state that your W indicated why she left in June. Why was that?
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
She says I let her down so badly that it caused her to fall out of love with me so much that despite all my wonderful changes she does not have the will or desire to fall back in love with me. We have a D5 and and a S3. I think that in it's self should be enough to at least try to discuss things with me. In 9 months she has not said one word about our realationship past, present or future.
Me/W: 46/36 D7.6/S6 T/M: 7.5/6.5 Bomb 12/05/07 D final: 03/03/09
I know. It is hard. But now it is time to try to look at things from her perspective.
Okay, so here is my next question. Is there an OM?
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I am looking at it from her perspective but I just am not given a chance at all. I had a bad childhood through a terrible divorce. I ended up being really selfish and not appreciating anything. Through this loss I and therapy I have completely turned that around. Yes, I believe there was OM. I am pretty sure she had an EA. Instead of working on our M she gained attention elsewhere. Of course I was not open to talking to her at the time. Yes, I know that this is the same story most of us on this forum are living. It just hard reading all the stories of couples that eventually talk and try to work on their M. I have done soooo much and we have come sooooo far. I just don't see us moving any further. I am leaving in 3 weeks to guest lecture in the UK and then I am going trekking to the base camp of Mt. Everest. How is that for a GAL !!!!
Me/W: 46/36 D7.6/S6 T/M: 7.5/6.5 Bomb 12/05/07 D final: 03/03/09
Whit I think that is fantastic!!! Just remember, this is a process. I have been S for almost a year now, and H and I have gone back and forth on talking/not talking. It has really been just recently that we have really started to talk again, and I have learned to just enjoy that. Sometimes it is about being comfortable in your own skin no matter what sitch is thrown at you, and allowing your S to also feel that you are comfortable. It makes them more comfortable...
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I am torn between contacting her and not. We actually are in contact with each other every 2 days as we have kids. Do you recommend that I only respond to her and not contact her. My DB coach suggested that.
Me/W: 46/36 D7.6/S6 T/M: 7.5/6.5 Bomb 12/05/07 D final: 03/03/09
I tell you what I did. I made tons of mistakes. I called, cried, begged, pleaded, propositioned, bargained, you name it, I did it.
I stopped calling, and only contacted if it was absolutely necessary. I also shut my ringer on my phone off so that when H called, I did not always hear it and was not tempted to answer the phone.
The first week was the hardest. I did not contact at all until I had to, and then left it light. And from there, we have gone to talking pretty frequently.
The steps are small, and we all need to be reminded that they are there. This board is a wealth of information on what to do and what not to do. I would suggest you go dim, not dark because of the kids, but unless you have to contact, don't. Let her do the contacting, but also don't always be available.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
lola, Thanks so much!!! I just stopped by to see my kids at school. I do that on days that I don't have them. It's hard because when I see my kids is when I miss my W the most. I was just about to text her just to say hi, but I am sure I would have been further hurt by her cool response. So, yes I have gone dim before and she seems to come around a bit. Of course when she comes around a bit I want more. Thanks again, I will give going dim a try again and see what happens. Have a good evening !!!
Me/W: 46/36 D7.6/S6 T/M: 7.5/6.5 Bomb 12/05/07 D final: 03/03/09
That is part of the self preservation. One of the reasons I quit calling my H is because he wouldn't answer the phone. It hurt.
Now that we are talking, I still think of that, and tend to text a little more.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
