is it really true?

[stella_k]

((((BH, Addie, Deauxlie)))), hi and thank you for posting :).

Here is my update.

I was so much in a "fog" myself while moving - farewell parties, saying good bye to people, clearing apt etc. It makes more sense to start from the moment when we parted our ways with H. At the Airport! Yes, he told me that he's going to wait for Spider to pick him up and I should go ahead, he will take some of my stuff and drop it off at "my" place later. So our true separation started. Our pets had to separate too. Initially we've planned for me to take both the cat and the dog. But when our dog saw H leaving, she started "sobbing" so badly that he had to come back for her. Later he told me that she can stay with him. Lucky beast. Wouldn't work for me :).
So, in the end, my cat and I were alone in our studio apt.
H came by as he promised, to drop off a suitcase and stayed 10 min or so. Was extremely friendly. Seemed not sure whether to hug me or not when leaving, decided not to (I didn't show that I'm eager to hug or kiss him).
Next day he came over in the morning to help me with few things. When walking down the street (we lefr=t the apt together) he took my hand. We kept holding hands for few minutes. It felt weird. He held my hand LOVINGLY and was very cheerful and chatty.
I went to see my mom, only to realize that I will never get any support from her. The only thing that really concerns her is whether my D will affect HER in any way. For instance, my H not helping her with the house.
Makes me feel very much alone.
While at my mother's I received a phone call from H (didn't expect any). He asked if I'm ok (my mom ... well, she's difficult) and if he can come over tomorrow to pick up a few things. I said, sure.
Well, that was yesterday. He came over, I made us some coffee. Once again, he was so nice to me, so thoughtful, like old times. I wonder - could it be that now that he doesn't feel obliged to love me he feels relieved and it makes him more friendly? Not a sign of anger or irritation.
He is mentioning Spider now and then, as if we're D already and I don't care anymore.
He took some things and went away after patting my hand rather awkwardly. Later yesterday, when I was already in bed, he called. I figured, he was calling while walking the dog. I asked why he's calling and he said: just so. To see if you're all right. To which I replied, OF COURSE I am. I asked him if he's going to come over tomorrow to take his comp. He said: I'm not sure whether I'm going to have time. I said, whatever, just give me a call if you decide to come.
Today he called and said he's coming. Again we had some coffee together, he told me about his work and his dream (it's his habit to tell his dreams). Then he started collecting his things and I excused myself and went to take a bath (the studio is so small, I really had nowhere to go and I didn't want to watch him looking through photos and separating his stuff from mine). When I came out, he sat down with me and we spoke a little bit about household. He kept saying: we'll do this and buy that. I said, there is no "we" from now on and I will buy everything I need and take care of myself. To which he replied that I shoulg get a job first. Once I'm settled, I'm on my own. Until then he's going to help me(?).
He took his bags and boxes and left (didn't take his comp).
I'm so confused once again.
I'm glad he's helping me, but it slows down my healing process and doesn't really help me to detach and let go!
Deauxlie, I'd be happy to DB a bit longer, but I'm afraid there is no hope. He acts as if he is done and happy with his decision and there is no room for doubts. At the same time he seems to be really comfortable around me now. He mentioned our D matter-of-factly today, saying: well, that's what people do when they get a D. He is chatty, nice and calm. No signs of regret, depression, etc.
Every friend I've spoken to, has told me that he must out of his mind and there is NO WAY he can be with Spider after he's been married to me. But he IS with her - and seems to be perfectly fine with it.

BTW, I forgot to mention that I'm planning to have a party this Friday. We would have one for our friends every time we'd come to visit and I thought I should GAL and keep it up. I've told H about the party two days ago and told him that he can come if he wants, but I don't think it's a good idea.
Well, today, while he was here, a friend called him on his cell. H said : I don't think so. It turned out, the friend wanted to know if H is going to be at the party.
Then H asked me: do you want me to come?
That was the first time I saw some anxiety in him.
I said, no, not really. Do YOU want to come?
He seemed to be immediately relieved and said: no.
I said, it's fine then.

I am trying so hard to be detached, to GAL, to live my life. But I must say, he makes it much harder, keeping so much contact. I don't want to be friends with him. Should I tell him to stay away from me?
Or would it betray my weakness?

Oh, and I asked him if he'd agree with me that we shouldn't tell D17 about our future D just yet. He said, he doesn't only agree, he wanted to ask me the same thing.

Do I sound like I'm DBing again?!

(((((hugs))))) to all.