Sorry to hear about the tough night. All your effort is NOT wiped away in one night. That is like someone on a diet who has lost 50 pounds saying that all their effort was wiped away by a piece of cake. You slipped. It is OK. In the big scheme of things, it is not going to make any difference about anything.
Can you call your sponsor today?
Put your healing energy in your positive self/growth/unenmeshment basket. Don't make your worldview dependent on X having a crappy future or being unhappy with GF. Neither may come to pass. And you are better than that. You don't need to build a life grounded on a dream of someone else's dysfunction or misery.
You are certainly not psychotic. But you and I both know that your behavior last night was not about X, or being respectful or loving toward him. It was not even about him as a person. It was about you and very old unmet needs. So focus on you and take care of you.
You have come very very far. And you are still moving forward. So what, so the horse bucked hard. You didn't fall off, you're still riding, even if your tush is a bit sore.
