Marisol, first I want to say it is a new day. I know you survived even thought each minute had to be difficult for you... You were all in our thoughts yesterday. T2L, glad your son is doing better and talking it through. You are a GREAT mother and have his needs first. He is a strong little guy. As for my D knowing about the OW -- I think she might be suspicious. When he said he was going out Saturday night, she asked me who was he going with and I said a bunch of guys and she said "yeah, right". I told her that is what he told me. twinhope, thought it was in poor taste for H to take your Ds to the movie with the OW. But on a good note this might help the OW see all the "baggage" her new exciting boyfriend has. What 21 year old OW who posts on My Space wants to be saddled with a 30 year old problems. Most 21 year olds I know want to be out partying and having fun doing shots -- not putting up with someone else's kids. I think it will get old real quick for her. I am sure her friends are telling her that it is not a good relationship for her. I think this A will die a natural death in the near future. I really do. As for myself, I am a nervous wreck. We meet with the MC tonight at 8:30. Not sure what to say. I do not want him to think that he has this all wrapped up neatly in some little package. First, get an apt, then after 3 months if all goes well, move on with the divorce. (his words). I have no say. Pray for me tonight. Pray that he opens his mind to other alternatives. I am scared. I need to say the right words.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
Is there any way you can find out? I was lucky. I was able to get the address of the OW and had her followed and pictures were taken of the 2 of them. I needed that for my sanity. I'm one of those personalities who needs proof. It's like there always is this little denial part that doesn't want to believe that it's true and i wanted to believe him and he kept saying that he had not gotten back with her. But he did.
So the OW names your husband in her MySpace page? Have you tried calling him out on it and asking him if there is another woman? I asked my husband a few times over the 2 months that he completely changed from the man that I knew. Finally I said your time is not accounted for in what your telling me, is there someone else and he finally confessed. Of course he tells me that the OW is so proud of him for telling me after only 2 months, yippee for them-oh brother. I would ask your H is there is someone else.
Me-38 H-38 Married 18years Daughter-17 & Son-9 Discovery of EA/PA 4/23/08 Left home 5/08/08 Moved in with OW 08/01/08
The only rock I know that stays steady, the only institution I know that works is the family. -- Lee Iacocca
Hey guys, Ok the main idea of DB is, if possible to not divorce. That being said do our spouses know that we want reconciliation or should we tell them at some point? Or is just implementing GAL and waiting to see if they notice?
I've read so many books and resources. Some say to write letters some do not. Whats your opinion?
Me-38 H-38 Married 18years Daughter-17 & Son-9 Discovery of EA/PA 4/23/08 Left home 5/08/08 Moved in with OW 08/01/08
The only rock I know that stays steady, the only institution I know that works is the family. -- Lee Iacocca
Hi all, I have the same concerns as you T2L. Do we just GAL and have our H think we are fine knowing we are not? I thought about writing a letter but I do not want him to share it with the OW. I even thought about writing a one page letter for tonight to bring to the MC. any thoughts? That is a hard call. This is why I want to follow DB. I want my marriage to survive and thrive in the long run. Also T2L, did you hire a private investigator or just have a friend follow them. I know my H is being very very careful. Since the OW works for him he cannot be "found out". They will get fired. He went out and bought a Blackberry just so he would not use his work phone. Very hush hush. It is bad.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
Hope3343, I had friends follow her. I was lucky enough to have found out her address. Got pictures of her picking him up and making out and everything-yuck. Luckily the make out pictures didn't turn out but him picking her up an hugging her did. I exposed it to her fiance as well and some of the people at his work. I called all his close friends at church, all his brothers and mother, my family our Pastor everyone I thought would need to know. He told our kids and me on the same day. I truly think the kids need to know. But that's opinion, but why hide their infidelity? We are not the ones doing these things. The bubble and fantasy needs to break. He cannot have the best of both worlds. It will ruin your marriage in the end if you appease it(read that in Dr. Dobsons book). I think boundaries are important. Exposure needs to happen if it hasn't.
I think exposure is important as it busts up this fantasy world that they live in. This bubble and its not reality. I read on another thread at a different website and they say exposure is very important, to OW family, to your family to everyone. The pressure of reality makes them realize the truth.
So has he told you that there is another woman? Do you know for sure? Have you point blank asked him? I did on several occasions and finally my H confessed. Anyone else chime in....
Me-38 H-38 Married 18years Daughter-17 & Son-9 Discovery of EA/PA 4/23/08 Left home 5/08/08 Moved in with OW 08/01/08
The only rock I know that stays steady, the only institution I know that works is the family. -- Lee Iacocca
Hope3343, Don't worry about saying the right words, be your confident self. I know what it's like to not know what to say or do. My Pastor told me find out who you are in all this and be your self.
Did you get to read my other post on exposure?
Me-38 H-38 Married 18years Daughter-17 & Son-9 Discovery of EA/PA 4/23/08 Left home 5/08/08 Moved in with OW 08/01/08
The only rock I know that stays steady, the only institution I know that works is the family. -- Lee Iacocca
Hi T2L, Wow I am so glad that we all found each other on this thread. What a sharing place. I would love to expose them but it is a double edged sword. I know when I was away for work part of this summer, there was a party at her house (she loves to have parties.) I got stuck in Houston and had to stay the additional night. Well he did not get home till about 1:30. My D told me the next day. I think that is when it started but was unaware. In July we (D & me) went back to CT (work training and vacation time, visit family), we were gone 2.5 weeks. During that time H found out he was not getting sr mgmt position and he was totally depressed. Then it was his birthday turning 49. I think it started the MLC. When we got home he was ok but we had been drifting already. Then the following weekend he went golfing and then wasn't home. I called him about 6 pm and he answered and sounded like he was drinking and said he was going out to eat and just have fun with some of the guys. He got home at 11 pm drunk. He then said he was "unhappy" and wanted out of the marriage. After that everything changed. My sister came in the following week and he was fine but would not touch me and said he wanted to move out. Then I asked him if he was cheating on me and he said "who would have me". Well then the weirdest thing happened, I had a dream about H's brother that died 12 years ago. In this dream he said you know about my brother, you know. I told him I did not know what he meant. He said watch out for my brother. I woke up almost screaming. I got up and went to the garage. I looked in his golf bag and there was an opened bottle of Ky jelly there. I swear my H's brother was telling me -- I know it sounds crazy but H's brother was a big family man and loved me. I came in the house and H wakes up and I tell him the dream and he turns pale. I then said what is out in your golf bag. He was shocked. He said he had it for himself. I told him he was a liar then he said he had a one night affair with a stripper. So I start to watch out. I look at his credit card bill online and see he took someone out to dinner the night before his birthday in the next town and then out to a club. Could not figure who it was till one day I have a fight with him towards the end of the day. I leave work and I see his car in another hangar area. He is talking to one of his employees outside (a plastic surgery queen who is 2 years younger than me with a great body). They do not see me. I see the body language -- he is leaning into her and she is gazing at him. I just knew. Then he leaves and I go to turn around to leave and she is coming out with her car and sees me and soon as I saw the look on her face I knew. The worst part is I see my H daily at work so even when he moves this will be difficult and I also see her when I run these process meetings. I had to run a meeting last week and neither knew I would be there and soon as I walked in they both looked shocked. It was a 3 hour meeting. I wanted to smack her. To this day he denies it. Will not admit to anything My issue is if I tell everybody at work, they will both be fired. I do not want this. I am not sure if I will tell my youngest D but my oldest yes and my SIL. I don't think I would have considered it before but you make a good case. Sorry for this being long winded but wanted to give you all the details.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
Not long winded. I understand about the whole job exposure thing. If you now for sure confront him and expose to both of their friends and family, the OW too. Maybe steering clear of the job connections. Maybe that's a possibility.
Pretty sure your older children already know. My daughter saw me struggling and how mean he was(we didn't know yet) and she stopped me and said don't trust him mom. My reply was I need to think the best of him for now. I don't want to accuse I have no proof. After he told us she said I told you mom.
Me-38 H-38 Married 18years Daughter-17 & Son-9 Discovery of EA/PA 4/23/08 Left home 5/08/08 Moved in with OW 08/01/08
The only rock I know that stays steady, the only institution I know that works is the family. -- Lee Iacocca
Hi T2L, your right about the kids knowing. The funny part was on Saturday when H said he was going out for the night, my D15 asked me who is he going with and I said some guys and she said "yeah right". I know it would destroy him if D found out about the A. He would be horrified. I think D is suspicious because when we went to dinner on Friday she asks during dinner so is OW name still have her boyfriend (she says this out of nowhere), and H looks a little shocked and she says isn't she engaged yet??? I have not spoken of OW in front of D but I think she is like a private eye and is putting 2 and 2 together. ________ me 52 H 49 D15 D28 INHAWTL - 7/26 looking at furnished apartments - daily
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
Once you know and feel ready. I think exposure is good for more than what I said. You have a daughter and whatever you live as acceptable will be the standard for her as well.
I think it's important to give our daughters a strong confident secure example of a woman not a weak one. I'm not a feminist either because I still do believe in men-I have a son so I'm not going to write them all off.
But you can bet what ever we accept so will our soon to be women daughters. But your right she probably knows. Mine did before I did. Sometimes God uses dreams to communicate with us and he uses symbolism. You obviously trusted and respected the brother in law so it makes perfect sense to me.
Me-38 H-38 Married 18years Daughter-17 & Son-9 Discovery of EA/PA 4/23/08 Left home 5/08/08 Moved in with OW 08/01/08
The only rock I know that stays steady, the only institution I know that works is the family. -- Lee Iacocca
