I think all of us respond to posts because we care about the pain and hurt we see others going through.
Something in their writing resonates in us. We feel a commonality with their situation. If we are further along in our own journey, we try to share from OUR experiences, hoping to save the person we are writing to any more pain than they must necessarily go through.
We all have to be reminded that THEIR situation is NOT OUR situation.
We all have to be reminded that when a person does NOT take our advice, it doesn't mean they are ignoring us.
Many of us have to do a much better job at not becoming so frustrated with others on the board.
Life has taught me that most of us have the need to both make our mistakes and claim our own victories. The advice of others helps us to chart our course, but any independent human being insists on the right to make their own decisions on how best to proceed. It's not a slap in the face to those who have offered advice.
I know that there are probably many things that people suggested to me that I did not implement in my situation. But every word that was written to me was pondered, chewed on, and digested. Each of those words contributed in some way to the decisions I later made in handling my situation.
We're in this to offer a listening ear and, when requested, advice. We cannot tie our participation in each others lives to whether or not the person accepts our advice as what they should do.
We try our best to do what is right given the circumstances we find ourselves in. Your comment about how we are so often told to do what is best for ourselves, then criticize those who are doing just that really resonated with me.
I see things that I think you should do differently. I still believe that you allow your husband too much influence in your life given the behavior that he has displayed. But I am not there. I do not see all the moments in between.
Rather than condemn each other (and I am writing to myself as much as anyone here), we need to support one another. When we feel someone has made a fundamental boo boo, we should do our best to help them to see the mistake and consider changes.
Sometimes a whack with the 2x4 is called for.
But they also get swung a bit indiscriminantly sometimes.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
