You read it, you name it.

[goldeylox]

NHF,
I can try to answer your questions as they relate to my sitch. Smartcookie, if she's available, might also have valuable insight, as would Bridgestone.
My H pursues to the point of stalking.
I guess that would lead me to ask, is the R with your new love (now almost ex?) a healthy one? In other words, are you true to yourself, or are you just doing the same things you did w/ your first W? (Not trying to imply that you were in an unhealthy R there, but after all, the M did end - you know what I mean?)
Let's assume that this new love is the person you choose, and she chooses you back. You both have baggage, but have the tools to deal with it. Does it really matter which of you is better equipped to DB? If you both know how to row a boat, won't the boat get there faster and without capsizing?
Hope you find this helpful. Good luck, and Peace. Goldey