Hi Sandi. I've actually been dealing with drama that would make a decent Hollywood movie for the last year. My heart has been ripped from my chest so many times, I had a zipper installed
You know, the truth hurt really badly when I needed her to make me whole. Last Thursday when that changed was the last time I cried about the situation. I'm not saying that there exists no pain, but, it is so small in comparison that I almost don't notice.
As to her good side versus bad side, that's been something she has not dealt with as long as I've known her. It took me a while to figure out why she was uncomfortable around our social peers. It's because she knows that they wouldn't approve of the kind of party lifestyle that she wanted to have. Frankly, closing down the bar is for young adults and divorced people. She has always had the acceptable responsible persona and the party girl persona. The one is looking for acceptance from Mom, the other love from Dad. Well, that's my pop psych eval anyway.
We've discussed a shared custody where the kids stay put in the family home and the parents switch every week. Given how I've seen her handle the two sides of her personality in the past, I believe that this is doable and in fact would be a very good thing as she might go moonbat crazy on the off weeks, she has a very responsible nature when it is in front of her. I believe that part of the reason for her behavior is that she has no responsibilities and isn't under any scrutiny while she is living on her own. When she has been back to stay with the kids, she is a different person, albeit a person who is waiting for their next fix of validation and supposed life. I'm not completely against having sole custody of the kids, but, I'm having a pretty tough time of things right now.
I hate to say it, but, there is a small part of what is driving this forward toward an ultimatum is that I realized that the kids are hurting now and part of that is because I can't give them my best because the job of providing for the family and caring for the kids and the house and everything else is more than I can handle. On top of that, I have no social life and as selfish as it sounds, I'm sometimes only a few steps away from dumping the kids on their Mom and walking. She's in the middle of her little mid-life crisis, well, I've got my share of that stewing around inside as well. Part of what attracted me to my wife was that she was the social one and she had a large social circle. Well, a couple months ago as part of all my personal growth, I finally threw off the fears that had been holding me back socially my entire life and now I can meet people with ease and I want to have time to be social and I can't do that if I'm taking care of the kids 24x7.
I'm just going to have to take things a bit at a time and see where it ends up. Like I said Sandi, I appreciate your input. I'm reasonably certain that I'm past the worst of the pain and my only hope for building a new relationship with my wife is after a divorce.
