A hurting Tostada

[Tostada]

She doesn't have any guilt. She has never claimed any fault.I sort of wish she would date and get screwed over a couple times. Maybe go out with a few guys as selfish as her.

I'm she could come up with some detail on the $400. But the deal is I'm not liable for any of it. And if it does include clothes, I have not hit her up for anything I have bought my kids.

She will get pissed and accuse me of being cheap and not supporting my kids. I just don't think they need gold paper to write on.

[Ready2Change]

Hi Tostada,

Thanks for stopping by my thread. It looks like we are in similar boats. I'll start following your thread.

[whitneypinch]

my god I just read through the entire thread. It's exactly the same as mine. My WAW is exactly the same totally detached from me. Sometimes she i kind sometimes cold as ice. I am "attempting" to go dim and not send her any texts. I do respond in a more friendly way to her texts though.

[Tostada]

Thanks for following and checking in.

Not really getting anywhere with W of course. She pushed a little harder this week through her L. Whenever she does this, I tend to backslide a little...cannot stand it when she pushes the inevitable.

She proposed we sit down together and divide all our stuff up because her L is getting too expensive. Problem with that is it's too complicated, she's terrible with finances, and, she cannot even agree on an even holiday schedule for the kids, even when three other people are sitting there at the table advising her. She's in for a terrible surprise when we start digging through the $$ stuff.

Here's a reply she gave me by email to a little of my backslide...

"I am sorry you feel that my emails are cold and that I am cold to you. I try to have a conversation. The bottom line, we want 2 different outcomes...I think our relationship will be very bumpy for a while. But hopefully one day it will be ok.

I think your house looks great and you are doing well...I hope that you are positive around the kids. I am not sure why you think the kids are not doing well. What exactly concerns you? I would like to know...and S12 has always had a stomach issue...What would be great is if you could call that number and get a counselor referral for D9. The one S12 went to did not take kids under 10...

I do wish we could talk. You are right that I am not great at finances but I think I understand 50-50...It is funny...when you were trying to do the vacation schedule for the holidays, I specifically remember you doing it so you had the kids 10 days at xmas and I had them for 5 days...you're right...maybe we shouldn't meet. I may not be good with finances...but you are not so good and even splits.

Have a good day..."

You can see a lot of anger, agitation, and sarcasm in what she writes. I am amazed at how angry she is over stuff and rewrites the history of events over and over again. She wont admit to anything nor engage in any talk about us at all. She is so detached and gone. She ignores most everything from me, wont look at me when I drop off the kids, wont get out of her car when she drops off the kids, etc...yet, I am the one that wont communicate. She thinks our relationship will get better after divorce. I dont think there will be a relationship at all. She is totally naive to the changes in our kids. Its sort of hard to explain, but I dont think our kids are doing all that well. She would never see or admit that.

My only reply to her email was 'i wished you had called that number (counselor) a long time ago (for her)..so long'. She had promised me many times she would go and talk to someone. Never did. Just talked to her divorced buddies. Misery loves company.

I havent heard from her since. I have the kids this weekend, so I'm sure she's just beginning the party.

[smith18]

You know Tostada, I have this feeling she is going to regret in the future what she is doing now.

She sounds hostile and it may indeed be best to use lawyers or if possible a mediator to make it a more civil business-like transaction.

How they think we can be friends with them after they cause the breakup of families is hard to understand.

Her divorced buddies surely only make the situation worse, but there is noting you can do about that.

[Ready2Change]

I let my L fight. (I tell W I am not going to fight with her and walk away) Some times I will validate.

Anything that I know we disagree on, I just let L handle. She started this with hiring the L. I focus on DBing....

[Tostada]

Its interesting that we all are about the same age. What's with 40?

[maninmotion]

MLC

Are any of your wives professional women? I had a theory that if my W was getting her self-worth from something besides her looks, then maybe she wouldn't be in a MLC.

It's a thought.

Dan

[whitneypinch]

Again, same deteachment emotions from my WAW. I swear it sounds just like her. They are in la la land thinking that everything will all be fine and the kids will be fine and we will all end up as friends. Ever talk to a re-married couple with step kids. They ALL say it's more work and more problems than their first marriages ever were !!!!

yep, I have all the same feeling you do. Why can't we just slowly start spending time with our WAW to at least "see".

[Ready2Change]

My W is a professional. Never slows down. She is unhappy.....