I did great all day, but started thinking about it again on the way home. I went to my bff's house down the street.
I can't stay up much longer to go into details, but I just about did everything that you are NOT supposed to do later on tonight, after I got the kids to bed at 9:30.
It is self-abusive at this point.
I am trying so hard, I really am, and all of the effort wiped away in one evening. I am just so tired.
He told me that he doesn't miss me. That she is a much better person than I am or could ever be, that's why he picked her and not me.
He hung up on me. The kids were in bed and mom was still up, so I did what you are NOT supposed to do, and went over there.
He called the police. Nothing filed, but he wouldn't talk to me, and I had to leave. The look of anger and disgust on his face. He pulled away from me before I could even touch his arm, like I was contaminated.
He thinks I'm psychotic. Maybe I am. Really crazy people don't know that they're crazy, right?
I just wanted him to care about me as a human being. To tell me that everything was going to be alright, even if we didn't find a way to come back together, even if that would never be.
No one needs to give me advice on this. I know that what I did was wrong, counter-productive, self-abusive, etc. Most of me knows this, but the heart.....I have to learn to take control of my heart.
