trying to be patient and strong (2 or 3?)

[hopeful4her]

You know, the most amazing part of this whole crazy place we find ourselves is that the reality is our spouses HAVE traded down. One of my best friends is a shrink and she said that this is usually the case. Possibly it's because inside they never really felt worthy of what they had with us, but that's only because they never felt good enough before that. We didn't cause that, that was their baggage. If they came into the relationship already feeling as if they were not on the same level, then that is what they've been secretly living with and now it has just caught up with them. Now they look for someone lesser who they KNOW they are 1 up on. One of my friends told me that they always thought that if this were to happen in our marriage that it would have been me who would have done this. When my brain started to clear from the aftershock of the bomb, I remembered ex saying in a counseling appt. that people loved me & I had more best friend than anyone he knew. At the time I took it as a bad thing wondering if that meant I was needy or something. Now I realize that he never felt that and probably knew he never would. I don't think it is anything that we do so much as how they percieve themselves. They were damaged when we met them but how would we ever have known? It probably was always a way of life with them to hide what they felt they lacked from the world.

So for now, they probably think they're at peace with their decision. Sooner or later, this decision will catch up with them as well!

You just described my wife to a T. She IS trading down. From an intelligence standpoint, OM is way below her. Did I feel 'smarter' that her? Yeah. Did I think she was dumb? No. Not for a minute. But now she is a notch above someone else. Someone she can 'lead'.

I think we all hear it at some point, but she has told me a few times that she didn't deserve me. That I deserve better.

The longer we're separated, the more I'm believing it.