That's the thing. I may want it to. He was such a great guy earlier. Don't know about now. he could be a mess. He used to play soccer and had an internship with "National geographic" as a photographer. He is a publisher at a paper now.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
He sounds interesting. I mean what have you got to lose. I wish for someone to help me feel a little more desired and interesting. I guess that would happen if I GAL more. With kids and work it is truly hard. OH well.
As to what Beth said, my H's OW is known by his family and is supposed to be definitely a notch even below him. So what you said about that whole baggage issue sounds to fit him exactly (and her). Too bad he might just ruin this whole family. We're not done yet but sometimes I don't know if I can ever get past what he's done and how he said I caused it and had no problem with hurting me beyond belief. Plus the CC and my IC both say they think he will flip again and say he's IDLY again. Even though he's not saying he loves me now..
Only time will tell, Patience and strength for sure.
Me 46/H 48 M 19/T 20 S 16 D 9 Bomb 2/9/08 OW 2/29/08 Ended A 3/12/08 (LIAR)
You can get past all of that because you love him but you have to feel you trust him as well. Glad that you're getting the help that both of you will need. Hopefully your H will be one of the ones who figures out that you can't find happiness by clearing out the best part of his life.
Can you imagine how sad their lives must be? If he's willing to do the work then he gets it!
You know, the most amazing part of this whole crazy place we find ourselves is that the reality is our spouses HAVE traded down. One of my best friends is a shrink and she said that this is usually the case. Possibly it's because inside they never really felt worthy of what they had with us, but that's only because they never felt good enough before that. We didn't cause that, that was their baggage. If they came into the relationship already feeling as if they were not on the same level, then that is what they've been secretly living with and now it has just caught up with them. Now they look for someone lesser who they KNOW they are 1 up on. One of my friends told me that they always thought that if this were to happen in our marriage that it would have been me who would have done this. When my brain started to clear from the aftershock of the bomb, I remembered ex saying in a counseling appt. that people loved me & I had more best friend than anyone he knew. At the time I took it as a bad thing wondering if that meant I was needy or something. Now I realize that he never felt that and probably knew he never would. I don't think it is anything that we do so much as how they percieve themselves. They were damaged when we met them but how would we ever have known? It probably was always a way of life with them to hide what they felt they lacked from the world.
So for now, they probably think they're at peace with their decision. Sooner or later, this decision will catch up with them as well!
You just described my wife to a T. She IS trading down. From an intelligence standpoint, OM is way below her. Did I feel 'smarter' that her? Yeah. Did I think she was dumb? No. Not for a minute. But now she is a notch above someone else. Someone she can 'lead'.
I think we all hear it at some point, but she has told me a few times that she didn't deserve me. That I deserve better.
The longer we're separated, the more I'm believing it.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
I do remember after my D from my first W, how exciting new R's seemed. But I also remember putting too much emotional significance into them too soon. Enjoy it, kat, but take it slow and easy.
Me45 W35 M6 T8 D16 SD11 D0 Dec 07: Bomb July 08: Busted! Thread
I had a terrible time trying to sleep...it was all I could think about!