As a formerly low-desire woman, I have something to say that probably won't help much. She has to find her sexuality when she's ready, and there may not necessarily be anything you can do to make that happen before she is ready. I was such a landmine of anxiety, that there was almost no right thing for my husband to do to help things. I'd say he wasn't doing this right or doing that right, but now I know that I was an unpleasable person. My needs were a moving target. It may really have nothing to do with you. My husband ended up leaving me, and that was what lit a fire under my butt. For me, it was untreated ADHD (I know I had it, but I didn't know how much it was affecting my ability to be intimate.)
I don't know your wife, and whatever is causing her anxiety could be any of a million things. It may be out of your control to make her get better. I would say be gentle with her. Perhaps the best advice I can give is to say the serious conversation about sex for a time other than when you're having it. Plan what you're going to say, use I-statements (I feel frustrated when...) rather than accusations. At the same time, being honest with her. Especially if your feeling is starting to be "Why not cheat?" as your handle implies. She may not realize that it's coming to that. She deserves to know. Not as a threat, but as a possible reality.
OK. Hope that give you something to think about and maybe it will help some.
