You are absolutely right about classes for expectant fathers – I think that would have helped. I did panic when we had our daughter. I didn’t have the slightly clue on what I should be feeling, doing, etc. It is like I became a blank sheet of paper.
Men tend to base their worth on what they do, have and accomplished. Seldom is it about who they are as a person. Sooner or later, he has going realize that accomplishments really don’t bring happiness and things/pleasures are not what matter in life. My ex use to always tell me how important family was and how work, school, things, etc are not important in the bigger picture of things. I never listened. Unfortunately, this is something your H is going to have to come to the conclusion on his own. Some men realize this through time, others through suffering. Some, unfortunately never learned. I really do hope things work out in your situation.
If I may ask one more question, what prompted some of the self-reflection and change priorities? It sounds as if accomplishing some of the things you wanted to made a difference?
I think you are right about some of my accomplishments. I think they did make a difference in the sense that once I had them, I realized that they really are not all that great. As mentioned, I think too many men based their self-worth on what they do rather than who they are as a person. I really think there needs to be something where boys can be taught or expose early enough in life that what matters most in life is character, honor, integrity, and most of love. Too many men are raised up with the false illusion that work, competition, $$$ are everything.
As far as what prompted some of the self-reflection – I don’t really know to be honest. Material and superficial things are only temporary. Eventually, they no longer bring happiness. I think deep down every person has a great desire to know and be known – to really have someone to share their life experiences with. To love and be loved. Some people are afraid to pursue that because they don’t want to be hurt. Others are simply distracted with temporary things such as I was in focusing so much on work. For me, I began to slowly began to think about things – each night and week a little more. As I start to have self-reflection and really begin to look inside, I discovered that I had not been true to myself. That I had robbed myself by not living a life sacrificing and being there for my family. I really do believe that the purpose of life is to love and be loved. And when people don’t live out that purpose, eventually it begins to eat them alive. Some get bitter, angry, sad – others begin to let go and start loving. It really depends I guess.
I do feel like I am in some competition at times. It hurts me that she is going to be living with her best friend. I almost feel like he is taking my place and my family. But I must keep loving and hope for the best I guess.
