I actually LOVE your apology letter. Do you think he knows any of this? Would it come as a suprise to him? Did you express any of this ever in the history of your R? Can you imagine saying any of this to him? I think its possible to drop something like that into a conversation, and it be much less confrontational than a letter....
My ideas about how you could turn some of it into a positive are (these are examples only, you need to adapt them to your actual sitch)
* B, I never really told you how much I admire your unselfish attitude. You really cared and considered me. I was a complete jerk and moved to Atlanta without even considering how it would make you feel. I meet guys but its such a turn off when they act selfishly, and I really wish they could be more like you.
* B, you really rocked my world sexually. I think about it all the time. I know my girlfriends would be so jealous and wish that they had partners who were so hot and as skillful as you are(ha ha - dont worry I cant actually imagine saying that aloud, but you get my drift!)
You could sympathise with his living situation, but then tell him that he always makes good decisions and you are sure he will this time too...
I think the line about how you would like to try again if you live in the same city is good, cause it is no pressure on him but gives him an opening if he is keen.
I think you need to practise flirting. And you can start right now! Of course you need to touch him on the arm, or bump into him, or lean across him, speak into his ear. All I can say is start practising on anyone! I'm not talking about initiating a kiss, but you can definitely do subtle touching. UNLESS you notice that he freezes up.
I have always had good results with H wanting to fix things and sort things for me. So I think its worth a shot.
You are not trying to be independent. You are being in control of yourself. You dont need him, but if he wants to help then all the better for it. Play the helpless female angle and let him be the man. You can do that and still be in control of yourself!
I would definitely ask for his opinion about the cello and the schools you are auditioning for. He probably doesnt want to fix your emotional crises (he will feel inadequate), but he might want to look after you in other ways. I remember he was concerned about your contact lenses and helpful about that. You've got to think of things that would make him feel protective of you - if you get ripped off, or given bad service. Just tell him the story of what's gone wrong, and how much trouble you are having, dont specifically ask for his help. Its really good to adapt this to whats actually happening for you now (dont make it up), and think of B's strengths, the subjects he is actually an expert about.
Last question is; Have you considered that there is someone else out there who could be even better for you than B is? Someone who would really get you and love you for being the lovely T? Is that a possibility for you?
OK look forward to hearing your thoughts! You are doing great!
