One Last Pull for this Knot to Break

[sleeper]

I lost my cool tonight. Been a long time since I did that.

I picked up kids from aftercare and took them to an activity tonight even though it was X's week. She requested that I do that and since it fit into my schedule I agreed.

She told me she would be home by 7:15 as her meeting ended at 7:00 and I could drop off the kids at her place. She tried to call me at 7:00 but my phone was off and she left no message. When I got out of my meeting I saw she had called and I tried to return her call. Her phone was off. I took kids to her house when she said she would be there but she wasn't. I tried a second time to call her with no answer. Her voicemail was full both times I called and I couldn't leave a message. I tried OM's phone and it was off too.

A few minutes later she called me. She asked, "what are you doing?" "Driving around trying to find you," I answered. "I'm at _________," she said. I said, "I'll bring the kids to you." "No, don't do that, I'll be there in 15 minutes she said." I hung up.

I drove around for a while and circled back around to her house and pulled in behind OM's car as they were getting out. I kissed kids goodby and drove off as she was motioning for me to stop.

She immediately called, said I had no reason to be angry. Yada, yada, yada.

I was pissed because she wasn't where she told me she would be when she said she would (she had gone to have a drink with OM because she had such a "bad day.") and I was doing her a favor. She didn't bother to leave me a message that she would be late even though she had the opportunity. Her phone was off and her voicemail was full

At one point in the argument she started to pull the old, "This is why we're divorced.... Everytime I think we're becoming friends..." I cut her off and told her the reason we're divorced is because it's all about her as she's the only person she cares about and friends don't treat each other that way. She said something about me being angry at the world and the "hand" I've been dealt. I told her I'm not angry at the world at all.

Arguing with her is more productive now (like a painful, wet cough) as she doesn't lose it quite so bad. I can actually understand what she's saying on the phone as the screaming is not nearly as loud.

It actually ended well (like when the doctor says, "Now that wasn't so bad, was it?") as she explained her side (she needed a break) and I explained my side (her failure to communicate plan changes to me, and her inacccessability by phone).

She called me back after we got off the phone the first time to ask me something about the kids and I said, "I know you think I'm the biggest @sshole in the world." She ended the convo saying, "No I don't. I'll talk to you later."

I don't know whether I've just established a boundary or executed a major backslide (is there a difference?).

It probally doesn't matter anyway. And what's really neat is that to a large degree, I don't care anymore.

She has the kids for the remainder of the week. Let's see how well she can do without my help (OM took them to school and I picked them up today).

Think she wants some ice cream with that cake?