I shaved another minute off of my 5K time today. I still want to take off another 3 minutes, but I will get there. As in everything else, it will take baby steps...
The mess w/H yesterday involved him being frustrated/distracted most of the day, even at the Retro meeting to a certain extent. He just seemed to be "simmering" for much of the day. With no explanation, I did what I typically do, assumed it was directed at me. Which it was, b/c I was the only one around to receive it....but that doesn't mean I was the source of his frustration. I just assumed I was....
Then after Retro we stopped for gas in a tiny little town called Mead (maybe Racefan knows where that is he is a Nebraska boy). Anyway H went in to pay, came out. Hopped in a drove off.
KA-CHUNK!!! It was a horrible sound...
I had no idea what happened. H slammed the brakes, got out of the car, started ranting
"I can't do this anymore, can't do this anymore", several times.
Each time I quickly and quietly responded "OK, OK"
I just wanted him to stop saying it. That is what he said every time he got up and walked out of the house all winter, what he said when he would leave and go to a hotel and not answer his phone or text messages. I hate the phrase, "I can't do this anymore."
So it turns out H actually drove away with the gas pump still in the tank. Never done that in the 16 years I have been with him...
It was quiet for 20 minutes as I mentally planned for my lawyer, how we would split the kids, where I would live (I would keep the house, he could move), and as I raged silently at H for giving up and walking away again and destroying my son's hopes since we had gotten back together.
We were supposed to be going to the Gary Allan concert but since H had said he couldn't do this anymore, I figured that was pointless. I asked if he was going to take me home.
H: Why?
Me: You said you can't do this anymore so I assume we aren't DOING this anymore...
H: What are you TALKING about?
Me: You said I can't do this anymore.....
H: I am more than a little embarrassed and mad at myself, I have never driven off with the gas pump attached to the car. I have been frustrated and distracted all day long and I don't know why. THAT is what I meant by I can't do this. I can't be so distracted....I wasn't talking about us at all, sorry you thought that...
So anyway, it gradually lightened up from there. By the time we got to the concert we were back on level ground. Had a great time, wound up "playing" in the car on the way home. Good ending to a stressful day......
H says I tend to make everything he does "all about me". I need to work on that.
