The other thing that works for me is when H gets to rescue me (thinking mobile phones, and home rennovation stuff, cars, insurance stuff), particularly if another man has let me down. Is there something going on that would B could fight for on your behalf? Something he could fix for you long distance? Some advice that only he can give, that would make him feel manly and like he is providing for you? Of course you dont ask for help you just drop it into conversation about how much trouble you are having and how its making you upset....
I am a little bit at a loss here and I might need some help coming up with something great!!! I think I know what you mean.... when I was in Boston B really wanted to help rescue me from a very negative roommate situation. I have always valued his advice and support in terms of career things, in fact it's one of the things I miss most since the bombs.
It would be totally valid for me to ask for his opinion on the cello I'm thinking about buying (he's helped me shop for instruments before, and was super helpful) or for advice about the schools I'm auditioning for..... but would that be showing him I wasn't independent???
Essie, I'm sorry if I'm slow on the uptake here! I actually printed out your post and highlighted it with pink highlighter so I could digest the info more.
Jeff, thank you for your support and encouragement!
