WOW, thank you SO MUCH for all of your very thought-provoking questions!!!!! When I started this thread I thought I only had two options... reach out more or wait more. Now there are so many more ideas !!!! I feel at a total loss to answer some of these questions, but that's GOOD, that means we're in new territory, something unexplored!
I haven't heard back from him yet, which is OK. But I realized every other time I called he would call me back the same day. So... I hope this is in the "he felt close enough that he had to withdraw" category...? I really took it for granted before when he would call me back so promptly.
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What's in your 3 page apology letter? I dont think you should apologise for anything, but it might be interesting to turn an apology around into something to admire him for??
I had to go back and re-read it because it had been probalby 6 months since I had looked at it. I ended up editing it down to half a page. But the main gist is: I'm so sorry for how I treated you when we were together. I didn't want to grow with you sexually because I was afraid if you saw who I really was you wouldn't like it and you would leave. I didn't want to grow and become part of your family or include you in my family. I moved 958 miles away from you without even considering how it might damage our connection. I discouraged some of your dreams because I was afraid to be apart from you. I insisted on doing everything my own way and I didn't cherish you for all that you are. I think I understand why you made the decision you did and (even though it has been extremely painful for me) I am actually grateful for it because this experience has motivated me to get my [censored] together more than anything else could have.
Maybe something like... "I respect the decision you made because it motivated me to get my [censored] together more than anything else could have" as something to respect him for? But that is very much a statement about my own experience instead of him.
