Here I am....real life and all.

[Starshyne]

He is just so nice and kind to me. He really listens to me and jokes around with me. It is a very nice change from what I was accustomed to.

Sara

Wow! Wow! Wow! He sounds wonderful!!! Does he have a (tall) brother??? Karen

LOL Karen! No he is an only child. He isn't the best looking man in the world (balding, is a little chubby, etc) but he has such a great personality. I really like how he said that he is interesting in having a relationship with me in the future, but since I just got divorced, he didn't want to rush into anything, so we should just keep hanging out and see where it goes. This is the best thing for both of us right now. I have only known this man for a month (besides the fact that we were in the exact same 2nd grade class!) but I already feel very comfortable with him.

Is it bad that I now think that ending my marriage (while it still wasn't ever what I wanted or wished for) might actually have been a somewhat good thing for me? I feel so much more like myself now than I have felt in the past 7 years. Being with my now ex husband was a lot like caring for a small child. I am not free from that burdon.

Sara

[Rob1231]

Is it bad that I now think that ending my marriage (while it still wasn't ever what I wanted or wished for) might actually have been a somewhat good thing for me? I feel so much more like myself now than I have felt in the past 7 years. Being with my now ex husband was a lot like caring for a small child. I am not free from that burdon.

Sara, All of us can only play the hands that we are dealt. Sure, it wasn't what you wished for - but you are doing a great job of taking what lessons you can from it, and moving on to better things. Hang in there and keep smiling!

[karen43]

I have only known this man for a month (besides the fact that we were in the exact same 2nd grade class!) but I already feel very comfortable with him.

That is just so cool! Meant to be maybe???

Is it bad that I now think that ending my marriage (while it still wasn't ever what I wanted or wished for) might actually have been a somewhat good thing for me?

I think it's probably predictable. Our WAS are kind of messed-up, I don't think any of them are normal or whatever, and I think most of us would often be happier with someone that doesn't have those kind of problems. Definitely a lot easier, peaceful, etc. Karen

[klm]

Sara, you are doing so well! Sounds like you and this new guy are being smart about your relationship. Looks aren't everything hon, those fade....personality and how you get along are way more important IMO. A guy's personality always makes them more or less attractive to me.

Is it bad that I now think that ending my marriage (while it still wasn't ever what I wanted or wished for) might actually have been a somewhat good thing for me? I feel so much more like myself now than I have felt in the past 7 years. Being with my now ex husband was a lot like caring for a small child.

I often have a hard time with this too. I have to remind myself that it is ok to be ok and ok to be happy. A part of me feels that if I am happy, then I must have been wrong about my marriage all along, but that is simply not true. He changed, and I still deserve to be happy. My marriage was a lot like caring for a small child also...but I feel that I am as much to blame for that as he is. Live and learn. I won't make the mistake of being the "mother" in a R again.

[Starshyne]

I am still struggling with totally letting go. I don't know why. What am I trying to hang on to? I don't want him back. I can't take him back. However, I find myself talking to him on the phone for at least a half hour a day. I feel so sorry for him. Even though he made his own choices and the awful things going on in his life where of his own doing, I still have simpathy for him. He is so depressed and I am not. What a role reversal.

[klm]

I don't want him back. I can't take him back.

Sara, I think if you really mean this, then you have to quit talking to him so much. You can't let go when he is in your life daily. I know you care about him and believe me...I completely understand that you feel sorry for him...but he made his choice.

And that doesn't mean that you have to close the door on him forever if you don't want to. Is he just wanting to talk to you or is he wanting to get back together with you?

When I filed for D, my xh told me he still wanted to be friends. I told him I couldn't do that...at least not in the beginning...that I would never be able to move on if we did that. Luckily he has respected that request and I think it has helped me tremendously. I have noticed everytime I talk to him or see him I am in about a week long funk...so it is best for me to do NC. Maybe you can talk to your xh about this and go NC for a while.

Hang in there sweetie. About a month ago I found myself thinking about the sitch constantly...even crying daily...which I hadn't done in almost a year. It takes time.

[Starshyne]

I haven't talked to xh all week. He hasn't been calling, which is good. As much as I desire to be friends with him, I know that right now it is too much for me. Last time I talked to him, he asked if I would like to come over and see his new apartment. I told him no. I can't do that....it hurts too much. I am trying to heal.

I find myself on such an emotional roller coaster at times. Today I felt bitter. No reason why. I got this card in the mail at work that had my marriage name on it and I automatically took a pen and scratched it out really hard. I am not sure where that came from. Most days it doesn't bother me. Today it did.

My birthday is coming up. I remember last year xh was going to paint me a picture of the Beatles for my birthday. And that picture sits in my basement right now. George's face is not painted. The rest of the picture is done. But H quit the painting to have his affair. I should get rid of it. It is sitting there, like I expect him to come home and finish it or something.

Half of xh's stuff is still in my garage. 2 full months after it was supposed to be out. I want my garage back.

[karen43]

Half of xh's stuff is still in my garage. 2 full months after it was supposed to be out. I want my garage back.

Sounds like it's time for a garage sale!!! Karen

[MichelleLT]

Haha. Ditto to Karen!



Tell him one last time to come get it or you are selling / donating it to Goodwill (or some other charity).

I totally relate to your post on my thread about feeling like a widow mourning the death of their H. My STBXH certainly isn't the same person. Sometimes I think it would actually be easier if he had died - I'd have real closure. *sighs*

But regardless, sounds like your life is going pretty good.

Just take it one day at a time and enjoy the little things in life.

((((((Sara))))))

[No Longer BH]

Hey Sara, glad I found you again. Guess your H is now the XH, but hey, at least he no longer is wearing your shirts. Looking back on that, you got to admit it was pretty funny. I remember when we both first started on this site how hard it was to GAL. Now you have a new guy in your life. I am so proud of you. I am not as far along as you are, but know my D will be fianl sometime next year. Amazing how we always just wanted our WAS to come begging back and now you got that and no longer want it. I hope that happens to me soon. You are an inspiration. Glad to see you doing so well.