Things are going well braveheart. I have actually been working on writing my story down since my original threads only date back so far. It's going slowly because although I am still in touch with how I felt back then, in MLC and upon getting hurled outta the tunnel, the things I've learned and the ways in which I've grown and changed leave my words "less" somehow...I can't explain it.
It's also just hard in general to go back and write it all again.
It seems like a million years ago.
Then again, sometimes not so much.
At any rate, since dropping the almost-new guy (who did not take it so well and showed some serious tendencies towards becoming my second official stalker) I somehow accidently stumbled upon this new place of peace.
So I'm still standing.
And I'm doing it without nearly so much drama.
Thank God for that!!
AMY, I have said this many times in the past, you are really the only person I have known on this board to truly express regret and remorse for what you did. Furthermore, you are the only MLCer that I have seen who has truly tried to make things right with your Spouse. Are things better between the 2 of you? I wish Jeff would give it another go, but at the same time, its tough to get past the things that happen with MLC. Hopefully, he will open up to you a little more. I read some of your postings about guilt. Based on what I have seen, not too many people let that get in the way of doing what they want. I have seen and read so many stories about people doing every mean and nasty thing imaginable to thier spouse, children, family, and friends. Its kind of like they are on a mission to do what they have in their head to do, no matter what that is. AMY, can you give us any insight into that? I'm I crazy, or is there anything to that?
AMY, I have said this many times in the past, you are really the only person I have known on this board to truly express regret and remorse for what you did. Furthermore, you are the only MLCer that I have seen who has truly tried to make things right with your Spouse. Are things better between the 2 of you? Things are better between he and I because there is absolutely no pressure. We had a talk a while back in which I basically told him I was moving on, dating...that I loved him and wanted our family back together, that it's been almost 3 years and I have done all I know how to do to show him that I love him and I'm sorry... but I couldn't wait any longer as life was passing me by. It was a good talk and he promised to think about it and let me know something "soon". He promised not to leave me hanging. A couple weeks later I was still hanging and very much on edge because of it. We ended up in an argument one night over D12 and I blew a gasket. He said (in the middle of fighting) something to the effect of "...and about that question you asked me a couple weeks ago...."...he said it hatefully and I stopped him right there and commenced to flipping my wig. I told him how DARE he bring that up in the middle of an argument, etc....and I hung up on him. Weeks passed. I dumped the wannabe other man and spent some time alone. That's when I stopped posting for a while. I just went dark on it all. Anyway, long story short, I realized I'm in no condition mentally, spiritually or emotionally to date mostly because I just still love my husband and no one compares...even with all his faults. I love him. And the other thing I realized, and understood in a deeper way for the first time, is that this is what I'm supposed to do. I'm called to stand. That's the one thing I know in my soul. Everything else is incidental. I wish Jeff would give it another go, but at the same time, its tough to get past the things that happen with MLC Yes it is and during that last argument I realized how much anger he still has. I can work with that. Anger means there are feelings. Indifference is the opposite of love. Anger is not. He also has many issues of his own he has yet to address... . Hopefully, he will open up to you a little more Hopefully. As a side note, a few weeks ago I went over to the house one Saturday and we ended up having dinner together and I stayed until 11pm. Just D12 was there as S15 was at a friend's house. I was just bored at home so I went over there. It was the first time we'd really communicated since the fight about 6 weeks prior. I went over around 5 or 6 and ended up staying until around 11pm. He walked me out to my car when I left and he hugged me and kissed me. I told him I was sorry about the fight we'd had. That I realized that the issue we fought about was not "a hill worth dying on" and I stood down on it. Reminded myself that I have to choose my battles wisely...Anyway, we've had slow and steady contact ever since. It's all good because as long as I've been in this, getting to this place where I don't feel so desperate is WONDERFUL. My sitch is what it is and if it stays just like this, I've already been blessed. .
I read some of your postings about guilt That's a nasty demon. . Based on what I have seen, not too many people let that get in the way of doing what they want I think in general people have a tendency to deny and deflect. There's also a lot of self-righeousness in the world in general today. . I have seen and read so many stories about people doing every mean and nasty thing imaginable to thier spouse, children, family, and friends. Its kind of like they are on a mission to do what they have in their head to do, no matter what that is. AMY, can you give us any insight into that? All I know is when a MLCer feels backed into a corner it's usually no holds barred. I'm I crazy, or is there anything to that? You're not crazy. It's a crazy crisis.
AMY, what's this "Bridgestone" stuff? LOL Have you got an inside joke going on about me that I am not privey to? LOL Btw..... I have been called a lot of things....... Never bridgestone..... I kinda like it! LOL
