Moving her from Newbees

[Clayton]

My situation # 1

Hey guys & girls,

I've been seperated for almost 100 days now...so I think I should move to the "Seperated" category now.

It looks like I have the typical WAW whom I love very dearly. Please read my first thread to get detailed background.

I've read DR and have scheduled a second DB coaching session with Jodie for tomorrow. Really concentrating on GALing & PMA.

I've been meeting with W every 7-10 days for breakfasts, dinners, etc and have been getting on really well. these meetings normally go for about 2 hrs. Absolutly no negitive talk or R talk. I'm just concentrating on a fun time and cheerleading her. That is one area that I need to improve on. She is a dreamer and I'm a realist....but that's what I love about her.

I'm planning on just continueing on this track until she brings the subject up for a more serious conversation.

I don't really have any defined goals yet. Maybe Jodie can help me clarify some. If doing what works is a goal...then I'm doing ok with that one. I'm doing good at giving her space as well....so maybe I can give myself a small pat on the back.

Emotionally, I'm still trying to let go of the rope, if fact I say that to myself a couple of times a day when ever my mind starts to get stressed out about my situation. " Let go of the rope"...."free youself from the situation".

I hope to get to know a couple of you in the near future.

Thanks
Clayton

[JenInVen]

Hi Clayton...welcome to our little pocket of the BBs. You'll find that we're a pretty good group and will be honest and supportive as best we can. And of course when need be we will pull out the 2X4s and the tasers

Feel free to check out our threads but don't let the banter scare you it's how we release stress round here.

I'll check out your thread in newcomers tonight but in the meantime "welcome"

I have my first coaching session tomorrow too

[ms ladybug]

Welcome! This is a great place to come for support, ideas, or just to VENT.
It's a hard place to be, but we help each other out as best as we can. And, often have fun in the process.

Jump on in!

[Clayton]

Thanks very much for the welcome.

I have 2 goals which are part of my main GAL strategy. I was always very adventurus when I first met my W. I slowed down in the last couple of years.

My 180 from sitting on the couch is to go to Everest. I'm going in November. Who else does a 180 like that??

Another is for me to learn to dance like a pro. I have just started a block course of Salsa leasons. 18 wks of leasons.

I'm pretty sure both these GAL goals will be complete 100% within the next 3-4 mths.

I'm starting to like the single life.....but I really miss Amy.

[Clayton]

I had my second session with DB coach on Wednesday. She suggested I concentrate on the following 2 goals.

1. Create a safe and secure environment/atmosphere for friendly conversation.

2. Validate her feelings, point of view and opinions.

We are already meeting semi-regularly for dinners etc and everything is going really well. I don't think there is much I need do for goal #1 except carry on doing what is working. We are only having lighthearted discussions about our day to day lives. Absolutely nothing heavy. I'm not sure when the R topic will come up. We will have to discuss it eventually. We can't just carry on living in this limbo forever without either of us knowing whats going on between us.

I think goal # 2 will have to wait until the subjects of discussion start to be based on something she has strong feelings about. That hasn't happened yet. I think we are both walking on eggshells at this point. I don't want to say anything to undermine our current friendship....and I'm sure she dosn't want to undermine it either.

Oh well.....keep on GALing and try to have patience.

I'm expecting to hear from her tomorrow as we are probably going to get together on Wednesday sometime for coffee...or whatever.

It has been 14 days since the last time we got together (she's been out of town for the long weekend).
14 days has been the longest I have gone without seeing her since we split back in May and it's been tough.

[ms ladybug]

I love your goals!
I wish MY h had a DB coach!

[Clayton]

Hi Ladybug,

I am struggling with goals. We seem to be getting on very well when we interact and everyting on a "friends" level is very positive.

If everything is working....I'm not sure what to change or what goals to try to set...so I'm not going to change anything. I just need to have patience, patience, patience.

We are going out to dinner this evening, and if it's anything like our last meetup, it should be a fun evening.

I'm hoping for a kiss one of these days (haven't had one for almost 4 months). I get plenty of great hugs....but nothing more.

[Clayton]

Good dinner...good conversation....but no affection on her part.
What would happen if I just went dark on her??

I'm going on a long vacation to Mt Everest for all of November. If something hasn't happened by then, I may have to put a stop to all this when I get back.

[Clayton]

W can around to the house on Friday while I was at work and picked up her sewing machine and art supplies. She wants to finish of a painting she was doing for me, but had never finished.

I told her she is welcome to anything in the house that will make her more comfortable in her apartment. She said she dosn't need anything...except her easel and paints.

When she orininally came and took all her clothes....I kinda freaked out. This time when she came and got her art stuff, It really had no effect on me....so I guess I'm starting to detach from the situation a bit.

She sent a nice e-mail thanking me for Wednesday's dinner and said it was really nice to see me. Also left a nice note when she picked up her stuff on Friday.

I'm just trying to be there for her and be her friend....and that seems to be working. Although only seeing her once a week hardly rates as close friends...but its a good start.

I'm having a hard time with being patient with the situation. Going from seeing W every day to only once every 7-10 days sucks...but it's getting easier. I am starting to enjoy single life a little more as I get into a routine of my new hobbies/interests......and I've got my trip to Nepal/Everest to look forward to.

Jody (DB coach) suggested the following stages of reconciliation which I am going to try to achieve.

1. Friends
2. Best Friends
3. Romance
4. Reconciliation.

I would appreciate any feedback or comments.

Thanks
Clayton

[cotoffgard]

I can see how you can go from #2 to #3, but the jump from #1 to #2 is pretty tricky. Looks like you're coasting with #1 (which is sooooo much farther from where I am, so count your blessings!).

BTW, dunno if you should be planning LRT at this moment. Seems like you have a good thing going, so why go dark? Out of curiosity, did your Mt. Everest trip come up in your conversations? You gonna climb that bad boy? I'm wondering if something that fantastical (compared to what you said you were - couch potato) might jolt her enough to show some concern for your well being and safety (even though you might only be there to party it up with the Sherpas then go home). Perhaps this could provide a backdoor to moving on to stage 2 and beyond. Just floating some stuff out there...

You're much farther ahead in this than me, so if I had one tiny piece of advice, I'd tell you to compare your sitch now to when the bomb was dropped. Looks to me like two totally different worlds, so steady as she goes w/ #1 and let her set the pace.