Thanks so much for checking in on me. I've been up and down alot lately. I'm finding it hard not to think of our money concerns and lately I've been stressing out about it quite a bit. I HATE that I don't know the details of what he owes, who he owes it to, etc. He told me in a C session about 3 months ago that he would give me a list so we could make up a budget. He hasn't done that yet. He also told me a couple of weeks ago that he was planning to write to the creditor that he's in trouble with to try to work out a better plan than what they've offered, but he hasn't done that either.
He told me a couple of weeks ago that he'd be increasing the amount he transfers for household expenses and he hasn't done that yet either. For the past year, I have been paying about 75% of our household expenses and frankly I'm tired of it. I'm starting to feel like he's taking advantage of me.
ST- I appreciate your encouraging words. Thank you.
Ingrid- I've been thinking of you and I'm glad you took the time to write on my thread. I'm sorry things aren't going better for you. I'm already screening our calls and when I spoke with the collection agency last (several weeks ago) I made sure they had h's cell phone#. Thankfully my name is not on the account. This is one of h's secret cards that he used to rack up huge gambling debts.
Upside- I wish the reason that I haven't been on the board is because h and I were off in an idyllic place, sipping strawberry margaritas while the children played quietly and happily nearby! Ha! Not quite. I've just been very busy at work and when I'm at home I don't have much time to get on the computer. I still don't get onto this site when h is around. My little secret.
Tipper- You made me smile when you said you were proud of me for hanging the tp holder! I guess I should celebrate the little accomplishments, right? I'm sorry you had to go through your h's bankruptcy and losing your house to foreclosure- how awful. It is daunting, especially when I'm doing all I can to keep the household going.
So, now that I've vented, I will try to post some positives, which is not going to be easy given the mood that I'm in today.
Positives: We're connecting a little more physically. We had a nice weekend at my parents' house. He is so nice to my family. He's coaching my d8's soccer team and is very committed to being a good coach. He hung a new mirror for me in our bathroom and helped hang a new towel rack when I had problems with it (see, I have a hard time when I have to do something beyond a tp holder!)
We saw the C yesterday and tried to work through all of the money-related issues that I spewed on about in my last post. It was a very tense session, but I think it helped to get it "out there." During the session he told me he was going to do all of the things he promised before. I'm going to try to have faith that he will (I'm at about 85% doubt and 15% faith), so I think I'm going to lay off of the money subject for a couple of weeks. If he brings it up, I'll be amazed and grateful. Otherwise, I'm going to wait. We have lots of other things to keep ourselves busy.
We're going away for the weekend in 2 weeks for our anniversary. I'm really looking forward to it!
N_A, I think it is great that you were able to bring up the $ issues at counseling. He seems to have taken you a bit more seriously. Time will only tell.
I am so happy for you that your going on an anniversary trip. It will undoubtably be a great way for you two to relax and to bond. My H and I just got back from ours and it was great. It really helped me to feel like my H is starting to make more of a commitment since we dont live together yet.
We're going to Cape Cod, which is relatively close to where my friend lives (she's watching the kids for us). I know the time away without the kids will do us alot of good. We've only spent one night away alone together since the twins were born over 8 years ago! We've each gone away on our own for weekends, but never together beyond that one night about 5 years ago.
I'm so grateful for this trip. Last year was our 10th anniversary and we were apart.
New_Attitude, That is wonderful. I hope you guys have a very special trip. Fill it up with romance and good times. You will have to let us all know how it goes when you return.
Things are going pretty well with me and my H. I can see him making more and more commitment every day. I am so happy to have this chance with my H again. I hope it is the last time we have to go through trying to piece things back together again, because it is so draining. But in a good way. Take Care & have a blast on your Trip. TIPPER
New_Attitude, That is wonderful. I hope you guys have a very special trip. Fill it up with romance and good times. You will have to let us all know how it goes when you return.
Things are going pretty well with me and my H. I can see him making more and more commitment every day. I am so happy to have this chance with my H again. I hope it is the last time we have to go through trying to piece things back together again, because it is so draining. But in a good way. Take Care & have a blast on your Trip. TIPPER
Hi na- Hope you are having a wonderful time on your getaway. Cape Cod sounds like so much fun...I am so envious. I am sure it will be a wonderful way for you and your H to reconnect even more.
A little update: I've been feeling very anxious about our money issues, since nothing really seems to be changing in that area. I was thinking about it the other day and I realized that talking about it with h gets us nowhere. He gets quiet and/or defensive and I feel like I can't get my point across. So, I decided to do something different. I sat down right there and then and wrote a 3 page letter to him about finances and his debts, letting him know how I feel and what I need, in as positive and supporting a tone as I could write. I gave it to him that night. He didn't say anything about it after that or the next day, so I asked him if he read it and he did. We got into a small uncomfortable discussion then, but I felt better because I got my feelings down in writing and I didn't feel the need to reiterate my points. Oh well, we'll see how it goes.
We have a lot to work on. I wish this was easier.
We're going away this weekend and I'm going to try to get back to my positive thinking. I really want this to be a relaxing, stress-free couple of days for us. Wish me luck!
