H said he no longer wishes to try and reconnect, he said he doesn't want to. H is willing for us to live together until I finish school, which is in about 2 years, he is willing to go to counseling to talk about co-parenting and setting boundaries but he isn't interested in reconnecting.
Bombed all over again.
I am really starting to lose hope. H said he wants to go to counseling for the above reasons but that he will never say never. He is concerned about the financial cost of us separating at this time, and also the stress on the kids and me while I am in school. He is feeling guilty, he says he doesn't want to hurt me. H said he is just not interested.
So ... sure feels like we are done. Me? I still love him, at least right now I still do, there is a part of me that is angry and feels led on, lied to, all that stuff. I don't trust him, he keeps changing his story, one week he wants to try and then next he doesn't, what changes? I don't know, I confronted him on what that a lie? And he said no he feels like he did want to, but now he doesn't . He admits he can't forgive me for past hurts, he is holding a grudge, says he doesn't want to punish me.
I was upset and crying, he asked if he could hug me, I said no. Later on, I was upset and crying again and he said please let him hug me, so I did. WTF.
I don't want to slam the door if there is hope, but I don't want to keep killing myself if there is no hope. Once before 2 years ago he said there was no hope and he came back and said he wanted to try, and he said that was sincere.
I don't know what to believe, what not to believe, what to do, or not to do. I need to take care of my kids and myself, but I feel so lost and used. I am tired of being sad. 2 of my friends think I should ask him to leave, right now. I don't know how I feel about that. In some ways I think it would be a relief, it would be a huge financial hit for both of us. In other ways I think it would be a kick in the pants for him. In other ways I would be very sad, because I do still have hope and want this to work out.
I am so sad today. I don't know which way to turn. Hey Tipper, you've dealt with major depression, what is your take?
Last edited by 123snap; 09/08/0806:45 PM.
Me 41 H 42 DD 11 DS 8 M 18 bomb 8/3/06 separating 9/18/08
