New month, new strategy

[istherehope]

Thanks Jen!

OK I won't backslide, really. I guess the rule of thumb is to (almost) always do what doesn't feel natural? I mean in a "normal" situation, me showing 6 weeks of consistent, and noticed, positive change (even with a few pressuring backslides) would be enough to at least have a positive conversation with my H and stay a night together. I know that if I saw him making the kind of effort for me that I'm making for this M, I would be moved beyond belief, but that's why I'm the LBS :)!

OK I will not make R talk, honest. I probably will not even see him again while I'm here if I'm honest with myself, even though I'll be staying a 10 minute walk away from our house...On the joint session, as it is in H's calendar, I'll send an email saying I can change it to individual unless he has any objections. I would love it if he actually WANTED to be on that call, which is why I'm asking him to make the decision himself. Part of me thinks he actually does like these calls, as he is very much into therapy, and given that he is the WAS, he gets to talk about his feelings quite a bit on the calls:).

The sex was pretty good, but almost violent. Again, sorry for TMI but it did really feel as though he just wanted to control me. Still, when we first agreed to S for 3 months, he said he didn't want to have sex as it would only confuse him and he wasn't sure what he was feeling. To me the fact that after nearly 4 weeks of not seeing each other he wanted to do this must mean he does have some feelings like you say, even if they aren't exactly where he wants them to be. He is being very, very good to himself, so I don't think he would have done this if he thought it would be destructive to him or to me. I am pretty sure this is why he planned to be home, and I know it was planned because our dog-walker didn't come. Also, I was good and didn't say a word about it afterwards, beyond complimenting his leg muscles.

Thank you for saying that you think the encounter was positive on arrival. It felt positive, really it felt like I lived here again, but it's easy to get sucked in when you don't have any perspective. Even though I will probably not see him again this trip, if I don't pursue him or chat with him tomorrow, I think this puts me in a position of strength.

Today I sent one email after the encounter, but only to ask if he minded if I went to Hamburg for a weekend since he wasn't planning Prague, so just a budget email and sort of showing my own GAL as well...:). No more emails though until he reaches out again!

I hope you're doing well!

ITH