It sounds to me like you're blaming yourself for things that were just natural reactions and ways you protected yourself. Please don't beat yourself up! Read the MLC resources. If you're like me, you'll wonder when these people were sitting in your living room! And you will see that it isn't you causing this problem, or even half of the problem.
Sounds that way to me, too. Hoosh is right, Don't beat yourself up!
On the other hand, I feel like sharing responsibility is an ok thing to do. If you can look at a situation and say "hmm, me hiding under the covers wasn't very supportive of H, but at the same time, him physically confronting me (or whatever) isn't supportive of me..." - that feels like a mature, honest look at things.
It's not a matter of guilt; Guilt won't help you. Guilt won't help solve your problems. Looking at yourself and accepting a portion of responsibility, well, let me say that for me anyway, it's a step toward a solution, now or in the future.
Originally Posted By: Poet
I feel so horrible for the way I handled/didn't properly handle our arguements. I could have done better...
Yes, you could have done better. You're human. you make mistakes. If you are good hearted, you'll look at your mistakes and work on em. and it looks like you're doing that. Ok then. No guilt.
--- Last thing I was gonna say is, you will feel better if you have clearer, more respected boundaries. if you don't want him on the computer or in your house, then you have to enforce the boundary. not in an angry, "I hate you" kind of way, but in a "I need my own space" kind of way. Firm but not angry.
You both are hurting ... It is easy to lose perspective on the other person. They too are hurting, confused, tense. 'No need to blame or lay guilt on the other person... But no need to tolerate stuff that isn't helping you, either.
