When the situation got tough, the illusion unravelled and the TRUE person came out.
She hasn't veered away from her new-age, self-actualizing, "centered", "clear", "I do whatever makes me feel good" phase. It's like a MLC that deepens and remains permanent.
She keeps telling me "this is who I really am, this is the real me." I'm beginning to believe her.
So...where does that leave me? I don't think I can be married to someone who doesn't actually believe in marriage and whose ethics, particularly regarding fidelity, are subject to the whims of her latest meditation session. This is not a covenant.
I dunno, Hoosier, but I think we can do better.
--Theoden
Not Hoosier (love that name!) but just nosy. I think that's just one of our biggest questions is when do we stop DBing or move on or whatever. My H was a relatively nice, normal guy for about 20 years and then for the past 2 years (during EA and PA) has morphed into a stranger, not nice guy. If I knew he was going to stay like that forever, it would make things easy in that I would never think things would work out with this new version of H.
I just think could a person really be pretending for 20 years they are nice & normal & good morals & good dad? Doesn't seem likely. So I do think maybe H is having MLC (at 42) and def. the affair hormones, maybe guilt are coming to play. I do think yeah, if the affair ended and his MLC got better or whatever, yeah he could change. But of course he may never change and continue to live a selfish lifestyle. Or he could change back more to like his original self (that first 20 years) and still not be interested in marriage with me.
For me, I am dbing for myself and kids at this point. I'm planning on H never coming back and just going on with life. If a miracle ever occurred and H decided to work on our R, I could/would worry about it then. But everybody has to make their own choices for what they want to do. But yeah, your W may not change so maybe at some point you will need to decide if you're happy with the "current" version? I don't think we should ever rush into our decisions, though, it seems like my H and other WAS do that and doesn't seem prudent... Karen
Karen