Rob #10 - Reinvent Your World

[Rob1231]

Well, I guess that's ONE thing that I have gotten from DBing....

The "Old Me" would have gone along and suffered through it, in the name of spending time with W and D.

The "New Me" says H3LL NO I WON'T GO!

[SDFoundGirl]

Well, I DO like ABBA...it's impossible to keep a frown on your face when ABBA plays. Plus it's one thing my FIL and I have bonded over.

I loved the movie too...it is perfectly over the top so that you spend your time laughing at the intentional cheese. I went with a girlfriend of mine last week and we just loved it. Of course, I loved the live musical too...

Good for the "new you" Rob. My H said he'd go if I wanted him to, but he thanked my friend profusely for suggesting we go together instead.

SD

[Rob1231]

Good for the "new you" Rob. My H said he'd go if I wanted him to, but he thanked my friend profusely for suggesting we go together instead.

If your H needs a guy to go see The Dark Knight or Hellboy 2 with, tell him I'm available!

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

Rob--

Did you say Dark Knight??? I will go see Dark Knight!

I am famous (infamous maybe??) on Newcomers for my uhhmmmm infatuation (read obsession) with Christina Bale. I do it all the time on Neil and Racefan's threads! LOL

SMW

[Rob1231]

Actually, I've already seen DK - but I would gladly go again!

[Lanzo]

Rob

Link to Max030

[No Longer BH]

Ron, I have read through most of your threads. It has been an incredible journey for you and it seems you never lost faith. Since hind sight is 20/20, I was wondering if you would do a service and offer the newbies hope and insight.

What do you think was the most influential thing you did to help save your M?

How did you keep hope alive when your WAS kept saying the ILYNILWY?

What do you feel were some signs that your W was wanting to R?

What has been the hardest thing for you during R?

It is a such a rare thing that those who succeed stick around on the board, so thank you for continuing to pass the sage advice forward. So many people have helped us get where we are in journey, I try to help those just starting out avoid the obsticles to the best of their ability. Your story is such a hopeful one I think it would really help others to hear your answers. Thanks Rob!

[Rob1231]

Hi BH, I'm glad reading my story helped you. Here's my answers - keep in mind that every sitch is a little different - your mileage may vary.

What do you think was the most influential thing you did to help save your M?

The thing that I see so many newcomers struggling with is learning to be happy for themselves - letting go of the dependency and needing from their old, broken R.

GALing is not just a nice way to distract yourself while you wait for your marriage to heal. GALing is the WAY that you save your marriage. First, you save yourself - you rediscover what it means to be a happy, strong, self-sufficient individual. You let go of the other person and stand on your own two feet. You know, and let it show in everything you do, that you will be happy and have a terrific life no matter what happens in your R.

That is a necessary step to rebuilding your marriage. This newly recreated version of you is the best person you can be - and is, often, a new incarnation of the person who your spouse was attracted to and fell in love with, way back when. Then, you don't have to chase them down - you can let them come back under their own steam.

How did you keep hope alive when your WAS kept saying the ILYNILWY?

All through her MLC, it was clear to me that my W was lost and confused. I adopted the mindset of "she's not herself" and learned to let the hurtful things she said and did go past me without taking them personally. They were rooted in her own problems, so I let go of trying to fix her and focused on fixing myself instead.

What do you feel were some signs that your W was wanting to R?

What has been the hardest thing for you during R?

These two really go together. The signs were very small, and often I had to read between the lines. An example that I site often: She said repeatedly she was moving out "next month" - but she never did.

So, the toughest part of piecing for me was the realization that there would be no "Big Hollywood Moments" where she came to me, made a tearful confession, begged my forgiveness, and pledged to work on the M with me. Instead, it was a continuation of the long, slow series of baby steps I had seen earlier. All along, Time and Patience were my best allies.

Hope that helps - best wishes to you!
Rob

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

So, the toughest part of piecing for me was the realization that there would be no "Big Hollywood Moments" where she came to me, made a tearful confession, begged my forgiveness, and pledged to work on the M with me. Instead, it was a continuation of the long, slow series of baby steps I had seen earlier.

I used to think I would want the grand gesture--chest beating, tears, begging forgiveness. I know it is not now. First of all, that is not my H's personality. Second of all, just having him recommit would be all I need. The apology will eventually come in time, but even when it does, it will not be necessary, because it will be understood by his actions.

Deployment started today, Rob. I have seven months to work on me. I hope I can get this right!

SMW

[Rob1231]

SMW, I really do think you are one of those lucky ones who "gets it". I would put money on you being more wonderful, happy, attractive, and strong every day between now and then. (((hugs!)))