puppy said her reaching to me for comfort ismt about me yet......how will I know when it is ?
You'll be able to tell the difference, trust me.
It may be when OM comes and wants her back, and she turns him down to work on her marriage. Or it may be in the remorse and contrition she expresses about how she hurt YOU, and not just how she's hurtING. But there will be a maturity and an authenticity to her that you will be able to sense, as you know her better than all of us put together.
I was told this in my own situation, one day when my wife asked me to go out to Starbucks with her to talk, and she cried, and hugged me, and told me how sorry she was she hurt me. "Crocodile tears," I was warned, and as it turned out, they were absolutely right. It was more than a month later when she REALLY was ready to leave her affair and to reconcile, and yeah, I could tell the difference right away.
Problem is, at the time (the first time), I couldn't tell. But later, when i got the REAL remorse, I could tell the difference.
Another way is how they react when you tell them "no" to something. My wife's tearful pleas at the Starbucks that morning centered around her begging me NOT to go thru with requesting custody of our boys, or -- as she put it -- "taking my boys away from me" (even though she would have had 50% visitation). She was sweet as pie until she saw that I wasn't going to tell her "yes, I'll withdraw the motion," and then she was neutral and quiet for a week. Then when I told her I hadn't changed my mind at all, she went OFF on me and got all full of spew and venom.
