Everyone.... thanks for your encouragement! I had a friend who went through this and used the words: excitingly excruciating.
Naturally, the process to me is such uncharted waters. He and I were whirlwind when we got together. And from what I know of the OW, it was fever pitched etc. (I've since learned how she's been treating him, and frankly it makes me sick to think he's put up with her crap at all.) But feverpitch is a funny thing isn't it... you can get caught up in it. And right now, it's in the crash and burn stage. I'd even go so far as to venture that he's embarrassed at the way she's treated him. It's my turn to listen... to "be there". I did say I would have to have an affair with my own husband to get back on track. Stage one I guess is moving towards having that emotional affair between he and I ... "she doesn't treat me right, she doesn't understand me, we have nothing in common, she just wants to go out and party".
What has me a little worried is I'm stable, easy going (thanks to the meds now)... and could appear "boring" by comparison right now. But... all that said and done, last night was nice. Not passionate wacko pull our clothes off insane.... it was a nice relaxed evening. He said so too, commented on it.
We kissed 4 or 5 times... simple kisses, nice more than friends kisses, but not full out "suck face" ones. *grin* We went out to dinner and we even got a video and came back here to watch it. (He even asked which salad dressing I was going to eat... cuz he likes garlic dressing) *smile*
Back here... he got a blanket and sat in the middle of the couch so that we could share the blanket and made a point of showing me that he intented to share the blanket with me. Took a while before he held my hand, but then he snuggled in close to me from the get go and then he snuggled in closer to me, laid his hand on my leg and stretched his arm across my lap. We touched hands and did this "fiddle with each other's fingers thing" that we used to do the whole time we watched the video. (oh god I missed that so much!!!!)
Since sunday was a rainy dreary and cold day (and he was outside in that most of the day)... by about 10 pm his eyes actually started to get heavy... and I suggested that we can watch the rest of it on Monday or later this week. So we have a tentative date for tonight (he's got some business that might take him across the city).... so it's up in the air, but I wanted him to try this new salad I discovered. Chicken and salad... something that can be whipped up ahead of time and can sit in the fridge til whenever
The tentativeness of the date is ok, it's the nature of the work... and was part of our lives for 19 years. Changing plans on the fly is something that accommodates his needs. Since what I"m doing in courses again will have me doing the same type of job... (and he's excited about that... talked about it quite a bit last night)... it's a good precedent to be ok about.
We've also talked about finding time this week (weather permitting) to do an outdoor activity that we used to do a lot of. This is something that I find very exciting... and it's a very comfortable and enjoyable pass time for us.
Mom, (and anyone/everybody else)...any advice you can give me, - naturally I don't want to be boring and try "TOO" hard if you know what I mean. But I have to balance that with knowing that the OW is a selfish parasite who's finally showed him her true colors in the last little while and has just really treated him like an incidental side order. I do want to show him (and I think he needs to feel) that he's wanted here... and we can be compatible again.
So that said, how do I stay exciting, but not scare him. Be stable without being boring. And of course side step the things he still says in quasi-"MLC"-still-scared-taking-it-slow mode?
I KNOW he likes the high one feels - that sexual electricity. That has to build for us - it's not the same as the first time around (so I've read and thankfully I'm not totally freaked that it isn't supposed to be all fireworks). He has to feel like he can trust me. (And me with him). I just know some of his needs and it's going to be the balance between not running head first into a wall and scaring each other.... and knowing that he needs to feel some of that electricity.
Abbey - cautious and hopeful.
Last edited by Abbey; 09/08/0812:04 PM.
T:22, M:20 H:55 Me:45 H-OW PA: N/07 OW Jan08 Bomb:Feb/08 S: Apr/08 Back together Ap1/09-Sept/11 Oct, 2011, uncertain future/H is a mess. Dec/11 - Doin'friend mode. Some days are better than others.
