As I stated in an earlier post, I am still having a hard time not thinking about the fact that she has feelings for someone else. I know we had issues for some time and tried to deal with them, but I was oblivious to the fact that she no longer loved me or cared.
When I finally realized it while visiting her at camp, it was like a punch to the stomach. When i confronted her. she denied it of course, but I know it to be true. Now we are on the way to divorce. Something i thought about, but always hoped to avoid.
She has mentally distanced herself, but I am having difficulty as i still in some fashion love her. I know I shouldn't after the way she treated me and how things have been. Nevertheless, she is the mother of my children and the thought of her with someone else is crushing me.
I am trying to stay busy at work and be with friends and family. I am also spending more time at the gym and getting back into shape. I can only change me and want to be happy, and know it will take time to get over this.
Any other suggestions would be helpful as I hope another more appreciative and loving person should hopefully be in my future. Right now, I can not think of such a thing and am afraid and scared as this whole thing is less than a month old.
Robert G, sucks to be here for sure. I wish I could tell you some good things, but as Winston Churchill said in WWII, all I can offer you is blood, toil, tears, and sweat. Best advice I can give you is to detach totally. I realize this will be super tough for you to do, as the wounds are very raw right now, but let me tell you from nearly 3 years battle hardened experience, any efforts by you to pursue or anything like that will only make things that much harder on you. She will suck you into the drama if you will let her, she is also going to re-write your marriage, be mean as hell to you, and blame you for everything coming and going. (These are future things I am talking to you about, not yet) I promise you will have a much better chance and more peace of mind if you just let it all go and let whatever happens happen.
I will talk to a divorce coach as well as my therapist. I just have to move on and am trying to get there, but I still am in the house and have three kids that I live for. I am the sole provider for my family and must deal with my wife everyday.
At this point, I can not go elsewhere, nor do I want to leave at this juncture to preserve my rights as a father and to the martial home.
You are correct as detaching is the key and I will make strides to get there, but its tough with her smug attitude staring at me in the face everyday. I will keep up to date as things progress.
Sorry you are here, Robert. I think we all have been. It takes as long as it takes. Transformation and growth take time. You can't rip the skin off a snake, or peel open a cocoon hoping to find a butterfly.
That said, it is a good idea to get busy in any constructive way you can. Exercise. Take your vitamins. Journal. Vent. Go out with friends. Any thing you can do to keep your body and or mind busy will definitely help.
The year of bomb #3 when H moved out, I swam laps every morning. I would be in the middle of a lap and remember the hurt, betrayal, anger and pain, and Whooops! end up choking and treading water. But I always felt better afterward.
Good luck, SG
Survival Goddess "The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any." -Alice Walker
Sounds like a classic case of MLC! Especially how she was a SAH mom for so long. Sometimes the WAS feels that they had missed out on a portion of their life that they are just now trying to reclaim. Even at the expense of their kids.
I would move over to that forum for now until your D is really final.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Hi Robert and welcome. There are some great people here who can help you. Do take care of yourself. We often refer to this as a rollercoaster ride and it definitely is!
One suggestion: Stay on one thread. It is hard for us to keep up with you if you start multiple threads or jump around. Keep posting. People will see you and then respond.
Take care.
Spitty
Always do right. This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest. Mark Twain
Hi Robert Welcome! Figs right a month is such a short amount of time. You sound to me you are on the right track with what you are doing, spending time w/ family and friends, VERY important! Keep doing that! Take up any offers to go do things, or meet new people. Join a club maybe or work activity.
I too wanted to bad to fastforward everything in the begining and get over the hurt, but believe me it does go away and you will be so amazed and proud of how strong you will end up
You sound like a great dad and those kids alone will help you through!
oh and I like your name
Be Happy for this Moment, This Moment is your Life
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