Good friends are a wonderful support during this time of emotional chaos. Good job on going down the list of those you trust and finding someone you knew would help you, listen.. and not try and fix it.
Reality changes so much during divorce. The past gets rewritten as often as waves erase writing in the sand. You are who you are now.. rejoice in that.
I kept getting frustrated about how 'stuck' I was on him. I couldn't let go.. commitment, belief in the marriage, not believing in divorce, the destruction of the family, the cruel way he left, living with a much younger woman, being a cliche. I'd lost myself, was overwhelmed... incredibly fearful on every level during the marriage and concerns after the divorce.
When you choose to 'let go' things change. I still believe in marriage, in the commitment we vowed to each other. I believe in the family, what it gives to the children. I believe that every effort should be made to keep the marriage, a family intact. But guess what.. if the other party does not want to deal with emotional conflict, is only willing to deal with things their way (which is usually an individual process).. there's nothing you can do about it.
I'm in CT too. Most towns are large enough that you're not bumping into each other. You have no control over what he does. You can only control how you deal with it. A friend of mine encourages me to turn the coin.. that if one thing is really bugging me, turn it around to something positive.
Look at what is good.. the kids won't be shuttled all over the place. She's probably more nervous than you.. after all, she's the interloper.
It's all your choice.. make the choices you'd hope for your best friend.
Have you tried Parents without Partners? There's one in Fairfield (I don't know where you are) that's quite active, as is Divorce Recovery.
