We're never getting back together-How do you cope?

[native]

The date went as well as could be expected really. I told her I would like to take her out and had made reservations to our fav. restaurant. Made arrangements for our D to have overnight with gpnts. It took her at least an hour from the time I picked her up for her to begin to unwind from a 48hr in 4 day work week.

I think she had let things slide at work during the summer ( she works at a college) that she should have been doing all along while she dreamed about being seperated and spent time with all her single friends. (Ok, I'm still a little pissed about how she avoided me all summer, after the bomb).

She had a glass of champagne, I had wine. After dinner we went to our house so she could visit with her cat ( her mom won't allow cat at her house) and we talked about our relationship a bit while we baked some chocolate chip cookies. I was kind of blabbing about how I was learning a lot of great stuff from Ellen Kriedman's tapes, like what women want and she said ' Like chocolate cookies ?" It was actually funny....and a little out of character; nice to see her make a joke.

She started off about how she wanted more than anything to have a place of her own, to not always be in a financial crisis and continued to paint a picture of how happy she would be if she were in control of her life. Said she wasn't looking for another relationship.

While she was saying all this I was controlling myself because I was really hoping she had turned the corner and wasn't going hell-bent down the seperation/divorce road.

Then her tone changed as she said that an alternative could be if I got a job that compensated for both of our incomes that she could quit her job (and get away from her boss whom she dislikes), and work on her master's degree, take care of the house.

Her conclusion was that she could not bear the stress at work and then to come home to stress here. I have tried to get her to clarify what she means by stress at home, but it has been a moving target; it is never one thing, always something that needs to change before she will be happy.

Each thing she notes as a source of stress at home is legit., but not easily resolved. Most things take money, some take effort and time. A lot more could have been achieved if we had been able to come up with an agreable plan and BOTH of us pitched in.

Anyway, took her back to her Mom's and she was tired and wanted to go to bed. I hesitated on the porch and she relentingly gave me an awkward hug. That was Sat. night.

I spent 5 hrs. the next day until 8:00 pm.(Sat) working on her Mom's garden, to help pay off her $800 car repair bill her M put on a credit card. This left W in charge of D., which seemed to go ok. I said I would be taking D to church in morning, 9 am early service. Invited her to come. W. said she wanted to sleep in, and really wasn't ready yet.

Next morning woke up and worked on estimate (for my restoration company) and decided to go to 11:00am service so I wouldn't wake up W and D, to let them sleep.

Got a call at 9:00. W says 'D. is tossing about, she's about to wake up.'
My response is: " Ok......", kinda waiting for more info, not sure why she called to tell me that.

I said I would be there in 1 hr. to get her ready for 11:00 service. W was ok.

Anyway, everything was great this weekend until after church.
I was planning to work a few more hrs in garden, then one of us would take D to a friends house to play, and we were going to go to her office so I could help her get it organized, which we had decided to do sometime before.

W announces she was going to visit friend, then do a few other things. I was kind of stunned. She then tells me that she assumed I was not planning to help her @ office and had made other plans. ( still don't know why she assumed that).

Anyway, the long and short of it is she accuses me of moving too fast, of feeling smothered. She reiterated how she wants to move into own apt., was I going to be able to pay mortgage on house..etc etc.

Yes, perhaps I was feeling too comfortable since we started the weekend off well, but the fact I was there for 5 hrs. Sat. was to help her pay off her debt (I had offered, she had accepted). Now she says it is her debt to pay off. I was going to help her at the office because she wanted me to. She changed her mind about that.

Apparantly I am toxic in large quantities.

So I didn't have D call tonight to say goodnight. W did not call to say goodnight to D.

I'm just going to lay low as I decide if my wounded pride can bear being rebuffed so unjustly.

Honestly, I don't know if I have the patience for this......

She takes longer than most people I know to work things out, is more sensitive (which can be a great quality when it is focused on being empathetic), and is apparantly as stubborn as any person I've ever known once she makes a decision.

I had to talk for a while to my D'd buddy just to get over my anger. We hung out at local bookstore. After we mulled it over, I went to relationship section and found a book that looks promising: 'I love you, but i'm not IN LOVE with you: 7 steps to Saving your Relationship' by Andrew G. Marshall. This is one of the annoying things she actually said to me some time ago.

Book looked promising and bought it. So, I'm going to log off and read a while. I'll keep you posted if I learn anything from it.



Left @ 10:00 pm. and D stayed with W.