Well, three years have officially past since my EX sent me the email that he wasn't coming home. Wow. Sometimes 3 years seems like an eternity ago and sometimes it feels like it all happened just yesterday. When I pause to think back to that time, I marvel at everything that happened. I can remember talking myself into "surviving" and "coping". I literally lived my life in twenty minute intervals. I'd convince myself to hold it together just long enough to do x, y, or z. Eventually the twenty minute intervals got longer. Mostly, without me noticing.
It has been a remarkable 3 year journey for me. I learned a lot about myself. I always knew I was tough. I just didn't realize how tough. I can remember my middle son being so worried about me after the EX left. He would keep checking on me, asking me if I was alright. One day I said to him, "Don't worry, Honey. I'm from a long line of tough Broads." He smiled at me and said, "So am I." It was so cute. I'll remember it always. And I will also forever remember him lying on my bed, crying, proclaiming that when he had kids, he would be a good dad. The disintegration of a family is devastating for kids, no matter how old they are. Have they accepted it? Yes. Do they see and get along with their dad. Yes. Have they been forever changed by all that happened? Most definitely.
There was a lot of heartache on this journey, but also a lot of joy. I so wish that I could convince the newbies and others who are still struggling, that it will get better. I don't think you ever completely forget the pain and the sorrow, but you do recover. The good, or joyous, part of this experience is that I have a much better relationship with God, my family and myself. I always "liked" myself. But now, I really know who I am. That's a great feeling.
And, not that I was looking, but I somehow ended up in this pretty special relationship. My guy is a wonderful person and a GOOD MAN. Ironically, finding this board and hanging out here introduced me to a lot of good men. Or, opened me to the possibility that GOOD MEN do exist. I guess I had forgotten that along the way somehow.
Well, it was beautiful here today. Fall can be so lovely. I wish everyone a wonderful week.
Hugs to all,
Spitty
Always do right. This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest. Mark Twain
