Well, you have a big, big problem on your hands. I am going to tell you something that I don't think I have told anyone else before. I agree whole heartly with Puppy about exposing your W's affairs.....all of them and all at the same time and all to one another. Now, Puppy and I have kind of went round and around about this idea of "exposing the WW" but in this case, I'm all for it. The reason is this......your wife has a very serious problem and you can DB your butt off and she is not going to stop what she is doing. She is juggling two or more men at the same time and having a ball at doing it. She is on a "high" like no drug could do for her.....but in the end, it will be her undoing. She is headed for a downward spiral that will end in total dispair if it isn't stopped dead in its tracks and right now. So, don't mess around with the usual advice about how to win your wife back into your good graces, etc. Tell these men what she has done.......and made a fool out of them, and then tell her family.
I only hope that somebody can get her to a professional shrink b/c this woman is in for a really bad time of it. MC is not going to do the trick......I can tell you that. You are wasting your time to even try to talk her into doing that and besides, they are not qualified to do what she needs!
Don't let her one little day of being "nice" fool you too! To her, you just boosted her ego into letting her know that she has you wrapped around her little finger......just like all the other men. She doesn't respect you and she will not love you. In a sense, I think she wanted to see if she could get a "reponse" from you when she kissed you, so it was like a (excuse the expression) notch on her belt. Whatever you do.....don't have sex with her. And, don't be surprised if she doesn't approach you about that very thing. She will want to see if she still has the "power" to string you along like her little puppet. Some women "get off" by thinking they can control men. It doesn't mean she is ready to go back to you or even that she is still in love with you, only that she wants to see if she can still control you. Besides, who knows what she may have picked up by sleeping with these men?
You must take the responsibility here and do what she needs......not what she wants. She needs help or she will continue to hop from one man to the other until she hits rock bottom.......and then, she will likely not want you. The reason is b/c she will kill all of her ability to feel any love or true sexual desire for anyone. It was reading a book about all of this that scared me into seeing what could actually happen to me! She is just beginning, so hopefully, you can stop it before she gets any deeper and causes more damage to herself.
Sorry to be so harsh but somebody has got to get your attention and let you know that you must act quickly and effectively. You must use tough love like never before. And, know this.......she may hate you for the rest of her life for exposing her.....but you may very well save her life. In doing that, you will prove your love for her whether she returns it or not. Can you do that? Do you love her enough to do that for her and take the chance that she could hate you in return? That's a lot to consider for some people, but that is what I think unconditional love truly is all about......loving another person whether they love you back or not.
I find it hard to believe that I am actually telling somebody to do this, but that is how strongly I feel about it. I wish you all of the best. You will need strength like you have never had before and don't allow her to sweet talk you, make promises, beg, plead, or threaten you, in order to make you stop exposing her actions. That is when you will truly need strength. But, I don't think she can stick to her word b/c she is in a addiction that is stronger than her word. Puppy can help guide you with the steps you need to take.....as he has been through the process.
I hope you will continue to come here and post. You may find others that disagree with what I've said and in the end, it is your decision in how you deal with your W. I just don't see anything working except very tough love.
Take care, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
