I just spent the last hour skimming through this forum and have found it quite encouraging. Here's a little more on my situation.

My ex and I have been talking on the phone almost everyday now. She also calls me up in the morning when I am driving to work and will call me throughout the day to see how I am doing. We tend to talk about a variety of stuff and I can see she is slowly starting to confide in me about her feelings (although not her feelings about our relationship). I have been working hard on being a listening ear and validating her feelings. I have started to give her small gifts here and there (buying her an outfit here or there, bringing her lunch to her office, etc). She also has been making suggestions about a particular high-end restaurant that we always wanted to go to but never did.

I feel like we have gotten closer, but I can tell she still has trust issues with me. She will tell me that I never did this or that when we where married. She also made the comment the other day that I will stop being nice after a year since that is not how I really am. Although she tells me these things jokingly, I know that is how she feels and I know I have a lot of work to do in restore that sense of safety and trust.

I don't know if this relationship is salvageable or if the damage I did is unrepairable. I am trying real hard to make my time with my ex memorable and pleasant when I'm with her. I am also trying to avoid any topics about love, the relationship, our marriage, etc - which is not easy for me to do because I so much want to tell her how much I love her. I know that this is going to take patience, but sometimes I don't know if I am wasting my time trying to reconcile. There are many days where I am hurting/crying so badly and nothing I do seems to alleviate the pain. I want my ex and my daughter to be happy - even if that means putting aside my happiness temporarily. A good example is that she is trying to get a house with her best friend. I know she is doing this so our daughter can go to a good school district and have a home to go to. We live in Boston, so houses are quite expensive, even for a small one. Right now she is staying with a girl friend of hers and only has one room for her and our daughter. So I offered to have her transfer about half her credit card debt to my card so her credit rating will go up. She was grateful and accepted. She will be making the payments on it though. She and her best friend are applying this week for the mortgage - although she is trying to get it solely in her name.

Given my situation, do you think there is hope? That I am doing the right thing? Please feel free to ask any questions or if I need to elaborate more on anything. I want to reconcile, but I want to be sure that I am not putting any pressure on her to get back with me like I did the other night I described on my previous post.

Last edited by lovenomatterwhat; 09/07/08 11:02 PM.