Sorry about the situation you are going through. So many familiar parts to your story - I guess many of us can relate to so much of what you're dealing with.
There are no time frames on these things. You can put the twelve month calendar away and know that this thing will resolve when it resolves. The much bigger and more relevant issue will wind up being where you find YOURSELF as the months unfold.
Sorry to tell you that my now ex-wife had much the same conversation with me regarding her new boyfriend. She also encouraged me to do what I needed to do to be happy. In fact she told me that she wanted me to be happy.
I'm sure there was some guilt in her tears. There should be, shouldn't there? She has chosen to renounce her marital vows and destroy a family that includes a 2.5 year old child. I would expect many tears from that in a normal human being.
I'm glad that you've chose to stop pursuing her. Pursuing her at this point further alienates her, keeps things between the two of you tense, and deflates you when you do not get a positive reponse. It's like being rejected over and over again.
The one potentially winning strategy at this point revolves around you allowing yourself to move forward. It involves accepting that, for now at least, the marriage is for all intents and purposes over. You yourself said that you wished for the chance to start over. The point is you don't want the old marriage back anyway.
There were things in you that were not the way they should have been. This is the time to address those issues, rediscover your strength and establish a good life for you and your daughter.
As you begin to feel better about yourself, your confidence will grow. As your confidence grows, that will become evident in those brief interactions with your wife. And make no mistake, with a young child involved, there WILL be chances for interactions.
Meanwhile, prepare yourself to treat your wife with respect and kindness. Return the hurt she dispenses with loving compassion and understanding. Let her see the new man you are becoming.
One final note. I've never been a fan of the idea of telling a person that it's none of their business, especially when the issue is a small one. Detaching does NOT mean that you have to become a butt head. When your wife asked where the new items in your house came from, telling her that it wasn't really any of her business was not the response of a real man. Tell her where you got them, or just give her a generic response about picking them up somewhere along the way. Playing coy isn't getting her back.
Time to put on the big boy clothes and become a self-sufficient man. That's the kind of man who might possibly win back her attention.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
