I think about you alot and how much and how long you have been going thru this.
Hope the babies are doing well.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
SO2, Suffocating has ceased as usual. In H's defense he can't always be that way.
I do you also even though I haven't posted much. My brain hasn't been able to keep up.
The babies are great and a handfull. But we are used to it as this is the second time around for twins. Thanks for asking.
Journaling
I just recieved info on Retro. I called to ask about weather they thought it would be beneficial to someone still in a MLC fog. They said they didn't think that it would hurt as long as he is willing to want to work with it.
I will leave the info for H to read tonight, keep fingers crossed. H has been tired from work so not as affectionate but I can't expect that everyday.
Im'e still trying to keep from leaving and I just keep thinking that he has talked to a friend of his once maybe he will continue and that he also for the first time broke down and cried. promting me to wait and see, as to me this is a positive that maybe the fog is starting to lift.
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
We went to see the movie Traitor last night it was good but slow. We also went to dinner and went and did a little shopping as I needed a new cell phone battery. and window shopped for televisions. H is thinking of replacing the one in the upstairs family room.
He is back to acting the way he was before the confrontation. So it's a wait and see what positives and negatives there are.
I told him I talked to our friend to see how he was and he seemed kind of quiet. Wonder if he thought that friend would tell me something. He did but H will never know that. Friend did say that he was going to discuss with H about going to get help or to at least keep talking to him so that he doesn't keep it hidden.
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
I told him I talked to our friend to see how he was and he seemed kind of quiet.
I wonder if he'll say more to the friend. Maybe ask if he told you anything. It sounds like your H does need someone to talk to....hopefully it will be YOU one of these days!
Sounding so much better, at least for now. I'm glad!
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
He also broke down in tears about us having to work all of the time.
Didn't he also mention something about regretting that you're both driving what he considers "old" vehicles?
I think I read that.
Anyway everything lies in those two statements (among others signs I'm sure) and what you have to decide is if you actually love the man enough to go through this storm of his life with him or if you're going to look out for number 1 and bail at a time when he needs you the most, although can not easily admit it.
In beginning to read through some of your posts a few nights ago one thing struck me - and that was that your husband reminded me so much of my own, less the MLC, since I'm the one who had that.
Seriously, although I'm sick to death of standing and had thrown the towel in completely a few months ago, conviction soon rained down on my head. It doesn't matter that you and I are on different sides of the DB fence. The bottom line is are we going to abandon these men that we've loved and have loved us for so long?
Maybe you can do it, I can certainly understand the temptation to walk out on him.
I can not.
It would haunt me until the day I die if I turn my back on my husband as close as we've become since my MLC.
You and me, we have been given knowledge through this site and other resources as well.
So we bear a burden.
Of knowing the truth yet not always being so sure of what to do with it.
That's where faith and the bottom of our own hearts comes in.
Are you going to complete your vows or not?
In my case, so much has been restored between my husband and myself that although we're not "reconciled" by the DB definition of the word, we're reconciled enough that the decision is once again mine whether to stay or to go.
I choose to not turn my back on him again.
You can choose to not turn your back.
Unless of course he refuses to help himself a little.
And therein lies the problem.
Women are much more willing to seek help than men are. They are trained up from the cradle to be self-sufficient and to be fixers and providers. Your husband is looking back over his life and he's feeling like he didn't do such a bang-up job. Yes, ultimately this is a bridge he must cross on his own but it's your choice if you're going to aid in that crossing or open the draw on him and let him drown.
So is he willing to help himself at all? Will he consider Retrouvaille?
If so then you need to search your heart for the desire and willingness to stand.
If not, I suppose he made his own bed and ought to have to lie in it like the rest of us.
