Just lying smiling in the dark

[One Day]

((((Ali, ITH))))

LOL- I don't really know what I was asking either. I guess it reflects some internal confusion. I think CEO is flirting. He's not touchy-feely with the others (although since he hung around with me so much I didn't get very much chance to observe his behaviour with the other girls).

Ali- he/his behaviour IS having an effect on me and I feel awful about it. I actually started getting butterflies at one point yesterday while he was looking at me. Isn't that terrible? I feel horrible because he's not my H, and I really do love my H, except my H isn't here and he hasn't been for such a long time. Meanwhile CEO is all sideways glances and smiles, and comments about children and wanting to be at home with someone who's company he enjoys. *sigh* You're right- it's terribly awkward. He's my boss, I'm married to a 'non-H', he's got a reputation for being a player (which he perpetuates a little to me), our office is small. But maybe it's just a bit of fun for him. That's fine, but it's not exactly fun for me- I'm becoming susceptible to it. Ick. Pppppphhhhhhhh

ITH- I have to say that I don't know if I'm interested in him. He's nice and the flirting's nice, and yesterday I had a period of thinking I was interested. Today I just don't know. I'm not a really touchy-feely person, so leg/arm touching aren't normal for me. I don't think they are for him. Man, I'm going to have to sigh again. I just don't know! Thank you for your thoughts on the not-kissing and other women talk. Much appreciated. It'd be much easier if I knew whether he really was interested in me (LOL although I don't know why I think that- it no doubt wouldn't be!).

I agree, Al that H hasn't ever really felt the loss of me, but NC and being unavailable aren't so much of an option considering how he reacts to them. H is being immature though- I think we're all agreed on that, including Jody. She said he's behaving like a teenager (he's having a proper life crisis). It's wearing though- he was lucky I replied yesterday, and yes, it was a little colder than usual. We'll see what happens.

I'm baking brownies and cupcakes this afternoon- soothing balm for a confused heart! My apologies everyone for the somewhat confused posts. I can't believe I'm making observations about leg touching and not being kissed.

[AliSuddenly]

I think you should (should is a bad word, but I'm going to use it anyway!)... NOT reply to the next email from your H, make him sweat a bit.. and next time the opportunity arises.. get blind drunk with your CEO, thats the only way you're going to find out! The sitch is just too constrained right now.

Gosh, does he really say he wants to be tucked up at home with a W and kids!??? And he is a CEO of a company, so got big brains (and a big chin, but lets not go there) and he makes your heart somersault!??? Lisa.. he's your destiny, I've thought it ever since you mentioned him ages ago!

Your H is a non-H. I dont mean to throw a spanner in the works here, but you seem pretty focused on the children thing.. so I am assunming, that if you're H came back tommorow, that would be something on the near horizon for you.. but he's just been seeing someone else for a year and you need to be able to talk that through and forgive him and get past it, before you think about conceiving??? It just sounds like an awful lot to get past in a short space of time. I had an EA and did kissing for 1 week, and when my ex found out, there were recriminations and questions for 6 months, maybe more, every week..until I answereed everything and he was reassured and had learnt to trust me again. At the time, I always felt it had made us stronger and he agreed, but it took alot to get past it and to be honest, I think that may have signalled the beginning of the end for him in actual fact.

God, I've got a rant on. Forget everything I said! Except.. do make your H sweat a bit on the email this week (?) and get drunk with your CEO and see if he declares undying love for you !!!!

I am mainly boshing iron pills and supplements and killing time till I have to go be a waitress.. its the kind of place there are romantic couples on dates, on tables for two, or tucked up by open fires, you know the kind of place. I try not to pay too much attention.

Ali xxx

[Virtually_Handsome]

((((((((((((Lisa))))))))))))

Hmmmm, I think......

I think that the leg touching, but not kissing is because he IS interested! I think because he IS interested, the kiss would mean more than it does with the other women, and he is a bit uncomfortable going there. With the leg and arm touching, he can always think in his mind that it's just "incidental", if you react "poorly".

Hmmmmmmm, I'm also getting a bit jealous.....

That's probably not a great thing, either!

[MichelleLT]

Heh. Personally...I think Jeff being jealous is a good thing!

[Dawn of Hope]

Hi, Lisa,
If you're shopping for opinions on CEO sitch, I have some available at no charge...which is good because you may not want to keep them...

I think the primary characteristic of flirting is an attitude of "I find you attractive/interesting, but it's not going to go anywhere." If one party or the other starts wondering about the future of the R, it has moved from flirting into some form of seduction.

(WARNING: A bit of tough love is on deck!) We all know how frustrating it is to have a spouse who isn't acting like a spouse in any way that does you any good, especially when it drags on and on and ON. You love your H, but he's not even attempting to meet your needs right now. The needs don't just quietly go away if they aren't being met; quite the opposite. They start getting louder and more demanding rather quickly. Enter temptation, stage left.

Flirtation (as I have defined it above) is no threat to any preexisting R. Anything beyond that, however, is incompatible with standing for your M. It is the first step onto that slippery slope which leads to those ugly conversations that include statements like "I wasn't looking for an affair, it just happened!" My rule of thumb is, "What do I wish my H would have done in this kind of situation?" Alternatively, "What would a reasonable person in a healthy M do here?"

Let's face it. You're still married, even if your H doesn't seem to notice that. You're still standing. You're not dead, though, so you're going to notice other people. If you enter a romantic R with someone else while still married, even if your spouse is a complete waste of human space for the time being, that's called an affair. If you want to get involved with someone other than your current spouse, that's your business, but if you don't disentangle yourself from your current spouse first, legally and in every other way that seems appropriate, you are 1) sinking to the level of your WAS; and 2) fooling yourself big-time if you think this is going to make your life better. This is exactly what all of these fence-sitting WAS's in affairs are doing, as we all know so well. You don't get a "get out of consequences free" card if you have an affair, even if your spouse walked away first. Again, this is temptation, and like all temptations, you WANT to justify it, but if you give in, at some point you're gonna be smacking your forehead and saying "What in the Sam Hill was I THINKING??"

In summary, if you are ready to get involved with someone else, that's your decision, but if so, you need to recognize that you are no longer standing, and be honest about it--with yourself, your spouse, and everyone else--by at least getting a D FIRST.

So, that's my two cents' worth...although I hope you don't feel that the value of it is actually in the red! I know you are a scientist, as am I, so I have done my best to work through something that is highly emotional on as logical a basis as possible. I know I have been blunt; I hope I have not crossed the line into offensive, as that would not be my goal at all.

I do think Ali is right about the difficulty of restoring your M to a satisfactory degree before your biological clock starts getting annoyingly insistent (my clock seems to have been broken from the beginning, so I'm not really in tune with that feeling, but it is something you are going to have to wrestle with). If you don't mind my asking, how old are you, anyway?

Lisa, I admire and respect you so much! You sound like an amazingly generous, loving, warm-hearted, beautiful and fun person! I love seeing your posts because they usually make me feel better, and sometimes even get me to laugh out loud, literally! I am so impressed with your consistency, your strength and determination, your generally upbeat attitude, your sense of humor, and your persistence. You have great integrity. Hang onto it; rise above temptation! Be the better person, not just for your H, but for yourSELF! I have great faith that you will!

Peace,
Dawn

[Essie]

Way to go you HOT thing! I love the story! Very entertaining to read! I hope its a huge boost to your confidence - its good to know there are so many options out there.

If CEO didnt happen to be your boss, I'd be more keen. But seeing he is it could get very messy and awkward easily.... but your a switched on girl, I know you will make good decisions.

I also suspect that if something happened between you and CEO, then H would be banging on your door with flowers. But how to invoke that response without actually taking things further with CEO. Hmmm thats the million dollar answer.

Hope you have a great week OD! Thanks for sharing all your goss with us! xxxx

[One Day]

((((Ali, Handsome, Michelle, Dawn))))

Handsome- I've been waiting years (or a year!) to hear you express your jealousy. I agree with LT- it's a good thing

Al- yes, he did say he wanted to get M and have kids, but he does say conflicting things a lot- it's hard to tell what he actually thinks. The getting drunk idea would be good for getting things out in the open though- it's the insinuation/lack of clarity that's confusing.

Dawn- you're absolutely right about standing for my M vs dating. Thank you for your post. That's why I feel terrible about being confused. To be honest if my H was still at home, if there was any semblance of a dating R even, I don't think I'd be confused. H is king, or would be. In fact I feel a bit peeved with him that this has happened; I don't think I should be in this position, and I shouldn't have to choose between hanging around for my H and my biological clock. I'm 35, by the way- older already than I wanted to be before having children, and the clock is already annoyingly insistent. Like a klaxon sounding in my ear! Thank you for the lovely compliments about me I'm really glad my posts make you laugh (I presume some of my excellent insights into false nipples, socks and one-eyed snakes!)

Maybe this will pass after the weekend anyway. Things may all be back to normal tomorrow when work resumes- CEO might do something incredibly annoying and H might send me a lovely message in which he doesn't complain about his work or talk about football. And I might see a flock of pigs flying around the dome of St Paul's!

[One Day]

(((((Essie))))

I thought you'd appreciate the goss! I agree that it's a horribly complicated situation, and CEO being my boss is an added layer on top of a super-complicated layer cake. *sigh* I'm not sure anything happening would bring H back to me though- he'd probably just feel as though I deserve someone better than him and it'd compound his feelings of inadequacy. Catch-22!

What did you decide to do about the tickets?

L. xx

[Kalni]

Lisa,
10 months ago you wouldnt even know what CEO was doing or not doing. I know you love your H but frankly I think that love is getting a bit "tired". It's natural and understandable and does not "belittle" your efforts, your commitement, your devotion. Dont feel guilty about your butterflies. You are only human (although sometimes you got me wondering)...

You are making a choice to hold on to your M and that is (the same for everybody else here) honorable. But, you cant control the fact that no matter how hard you are holding on, when there is no "feedback", no progress, no giving from his side, your heart slowly reacts...(not to mention possums, beavers etc)

I am sure your choice is the same at this point. Just dont be hard on yourself for feeling good with CEO's attention. Life is too short.
Love
K

[mishka422]

((((((((((Lisa)))))))))))

I loved reading about your conflicting feelings regarding the interaction with CEO and how you feel about your H. It made me laugh. I can certainly relate to being at odds with your own confusing emotions and feelings.

I myself have totally given up on my M but, even though I have, the strange thoughts and feelings I find myself having for CG still make me have a LOT of confusion and guilt. Not that anything will ever happen with CG, it's just my own confusion about the emotion he illicits.

You have been left and neglected. No one expects you not to have normal reactions to attractive (even with a bothersome chin)men. Only you know where your limits are and how long you are willing to allow your H to simply be a WAS and not be a STBX.

I will say it again Lisa, you are amazing! I assume you are beautiful (since I've never actually seen a pic of you I base this on your personality alone), I KNOW you are extremely intelligent, you are witty and seem to have a very warm heart. What man wouldn't want you Lisa? You are the complete package. So, that being said, never fear. If you decide to move your life in another direction, you will have no issue getting on with your life.

Have a FAB night!