I think I may belong here.

[kelaaron]

I have a little time to elaborate a little more. We were high school sweethearts and have been together since we were 17. I love my H with all of my heart and soul. There have always been issues, and over time, I have just taken over with control, mommying, etc... The sex is not bad however I stopped initating or even being affectionate a long time ago. He complained about this for a long time and then stopped. We have gone in spurts of things being really good and then really bad.

I can honestly say that I probably should have paid more attention in the beginning, actually listened to his complaints instead of thinking he was just being a selfish jerk. I can honestly say that each time he has dropped the bomb, I have been very surprised, hurt, feel responsible, and then very confused because it goes back to the same ole same ol. If he wants to leave, I can't stop him. I know that. But I know that I can't go back to the same ol stuff again because I'll just be waiting to feel like this again. I am so lost in so many ways.

But I have also really started to recognize what he has been telling me all of these years and yes, I am making changes. I am not questioning, trying to be more affectionate, going about my life. H will be home next 2 days and I'm very anxious about it. Don't know what to do.