I've never posted to you before, but I loved your words, your true honesty of feelings. Please don't feel stuck. You must move before you stagnate. If you feel you are stuck, you must take some action, anything is better than nothing.
I've just posted some of my own feelings on my own thread. You could check me out by clicking the red link below my name. You may see something there that will help you. I know I did when I came here to visit you.
I can relate very well to the depths from which you rose. What a black hole it is. Indescribable to anyone who has never been there. I get the whole relaince on the student teacher. I couldn't complete a simple task at the height of my dread.
I would beleivve it's natural to have thoughts like in your last post. We do feel totally betrayed, and I couldn't fathom that she couldn't see that fixing our marriage was better for everyone involved.
I have not dicounted her emotions of feeling that I wasn't meeting her emotional needs. Granted. I was working 2 jobs, helping to raise three kids, and we began to live like angry brother and sister. I guess life got in the way, or one of my favorite Army acronyms: OBE Overcome By Events took place.
You have made remarkable progress. I work toward what you have done.
Where's you H. gonna store those tools in the loft above the garage or in the trunk of his car :-) Wow!! Things worked out so well for him! What a genius!
Thank you for checking in. I do write from the heart, and when I need to get something out. Funny, I've always been that way, and I'm surprised when others aren't as forthcoming, really. A huge reason I was so blindsided by x's revelations of being miserable for years, and his perceptions of how I was treating him and feeling about the marriage.
I don't feel stuck, though. F, like you pointed out, I am in a completely different place than last year. As different as the year before. I know that there is a ratcheting up of understanding / acceptance / growth through this whole thing. And some of my revelations seem to be circular - like I'm discovering the same thing over and over again. The thing is, each time I go through it, I get a little deeper, a little further along towards where I need to be. I just don't think my head could have grasped it all, all at once.
And I tend to get melancholy when the kids are away (his weekend). S13 told me that the three of them are going to look at a house down in town today. But I'm not really down...reflective, maybe?
The storm passed and it is a clear, beautiful day.
