On Friday when he got home from work, { I was at the other house painting and doing PAPERWORK FOR OUR BUSINESS} He called me to come home asap. “YOUR Dog is barking and YOU need to come to take care of him , how is it that I am supposed to come home from work and then take care of your f*cking dog.? “ In the rudest tone possible and he said more, I just cant remember.
I knew I needed to go but I needed to print out the invoices,,, we needed to get paid. And I needed to drop the invoices off. He calls again , even more irate than the first time….. That really hurt my feelings, especially because , I had said before the dog barking made me anxious and he was too much for me we could give him to my Aunt she loves Labs and lives in the country And he said NO! and when he misbehaves he is suddenly my dog.
So anyway, We were talking yesterday and I brought this up and he said “ well honey , I was tired and I was not up to listening to a DOG barking. I said “ Yes , I agree you shouldn’t have to come home form work and listen to a DOG barking like that.” “ I understand where you are coming from.”
“ However, I don’t feel that you need to involve me in the equation.”
“Why do you feel it necessary to be rude to me?” “It is quite UNNECESSARY .”
I gave him an example of what he could have said and left me out of it. I also said you can have emotions , you can get angry, you have that right . Just leave ME out of it. I have nothing to do with it.
WE also talked about how he is always angry , has an edge to him. At first he didn’t want to see it and then he agreed. He didn’t go out again last nite. He spent it with me snuggling. The private call. I did ask him if he ever figured out who called and he said “NO.”
I also have to admit that I found the numbers he had been dialing. { ON LABOR DAY WHEN HE CALLED HIS MOM, HE COULDN’T HAVE CALLED HIS MOM CAUSE THE ACCESS NUMBERS USED TO BE 1- 800 NUMBERS}
They appear to be local… ONLY TO MY EMBARRASSMENT . THEY ARE FOR A PHONE CARD HE BUYS TO CALL MEXICO.
It was in the laundry, I washed the phone card.
So the mystery of that is solved , except for the private call. It is mostly my mind playing tricks on me and looking for reasons to invalidate that he could really be changing and turning a corner.
I was proud of myself for talking to him yesterday afternoon. { about the private call anymore and for being strong, and talking from a healthy standpoint} And for not getting emotional. I said it firmly strongly and with love. I am really going to have to work on my fears and keep working with him on the way he speaks to me. I am going to focus on me more but I AM ALSO GOING TO KEEP SETTING BOUNDARIES AND PROTECTING MYSELF . In the end he wins too , cause I will be much happier { when I feel like he is respecting me } and he reaps the benefits too.
I am going to have a good day. I am off to wash my car.... and have a good day.
I have also realized I have much work to do with my 17 year old son.... :roll: he loves to push my buttons. I have had enough of that too! Wow does it ever end?
This is going to be good for me and my sanity, and my well being.
and yes I need to get out more and GAL more that is for sure and find me... I need to just do it~ God bles you all... ~Ali
