Cinders, Everyone has posted wonderful words of comfort to you, but the words that struck a cord w/me are the words of ACJ. She's absolutely right in the fact that he really does want you to hate him because it does take the heat off of him and he can blame you for everything.
When you think about it, the ow has been the one that's been pushing your buttons this summer and your h has been the one defending her and her actions. Cinders, step back just a little bit and you'll see the picture unfolding for you. The ow is gently manipulating the situation...the pictures on the net, having the children call her family by names that should be only for those who are blood related, etc. She's ensuring that you and your h constantly are having rows about things. It's to make you look foolish and selfish. As for your h, well...he's lost in the world of yesterday's youth and can't see what is going on.
Cinders, he's racing the clock for the fountain of youth. He can only play against the clock for so long. He's not as young as he use to be and trust me, it will catch up w/him. I know that this doesn't help you feel any better, but you are the lighthouse in the storm and you've been there all along for your children. Enjoy what you have in your life for now because it is permanent and it's what you've always wanted. What your h is looking for will be gone soon enough and he will have many, many regrets.
The feelings you are experiencing are very normal. We become resentful of the fact that they can walk away, have fun and yes, just drop everything in our laps, but at the end of the the crisis, he will be the one with the regrets and the eyes in a tissue. You will have already experienced all of the sorrow that life has tossed you and you will have found a way to laugh and shine once again. Try not allow his behavior and antics get you down. You really do not want to be walking in his shoes or running around inside of his head right now.....not a good place to be.
I do hope you are feeling better today and have plans for yourself and your children.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I am sorry that you are feeling down, it really gets old with these guys.
They seem to bend over backwards for these chicks, and need to prove their love, and do all these different things.
It hurts. Then the hurt gets less and less about their R. Then when you look at what they do, it makes you feel a bit sorry for them in a way.
How awful it must be to live your life, like you are in a circus all the damn time.
It will get easier to detach from him, you already know that. It is how ever very hard to detach from the pain all of this madness instills on the kids.
That pain will not stop you from living your life, that pain will not stop you from having a wonderful R with your kids.
That pain will however keep you on your toes, with them. That pain will make you want to cherish every single moment with them, even the ones that were every day boring things. That pain will make you want to create these loving new memories with them. At times you will all need to feel that pain together, and cry and hug, and hear them vent.
It is not fair that our innocent children have to be taught such a big expensive lesson.
We just have to have faith, and pray that God will be with us every step of the way during this lesson.
And I want to tell you something. God ALWAYS has time to hear your words, and your praises.
Don't you ever for one minute think that to many others are praying and God's list is full.
You are unique in the eyes of God, you are His creation, just as amazing as the moon and the stars.
That is how He sees you. Your prayer requests and your praises are very important to Him.
Luv you Cinders.
Live Simply Love Generously Care Deeply Speak Kindly Leave the rest to God
Urgh, I HATE that he is this happy and free and YOUNG ! He NEVER wanted to do any of that when he was in this life with me.
Oh sister I hear ya.
H has done so many things over the last year that I used to beg him to do with me (one of them being going to concerts). It makes me feel all irky inside.
I sometimes get jealous that he is free to do what he wants/when he wants, and I get jealous that he is doing new things with other people. I feel like a schlump at home sometimes, going to bed with the kids at 9pm. BUT....then I remind myself that I am exactly where I want to be, with my kids. I couldn't think of anywhere else I would want to be. I do get out and do things, but I don't try to 'compete' with H, I just do what I want.
Its no wonder you are having trouble detaching lately. You are still ringing from the conversations with H. Time time time, it all takes time.
Cinders, dear, you do NOT have to apologize for being human and feeling overwhelmed at all of this. You are dealing with the dismantling of your dreams and loss of your family (for now, at least). Of course you will have times when you do not have it all together. I STILL do, even though everything is signed, and I do not have the least desire to get back together with my XH.
I know this hurts; we all do. We all hate to see our spouses out having fun w/ someone else, esp doing things they wouldn't do with us. But remember that this is still the courtship phase. And remember also that he needs to seem young to hold onto this younger woman - it is stressful for him, even though it may not appear that way to you. This is not who he really is - he is trying to be what SHE wants! That will get old at some point.
But as for you: God loves you. He "lets" these things happen b/c, unfortunately, humans so often abuse the free will He gave us. They make bad choices that hurt themselves and others, and God does not "make" anyone do the right thing. But He does support and give strength to those who strive to do it. I know that He is proud of you and wants to help you. Keep asking, Cinders, ask for his love to surround you. Pray for your H, but pray for YOU, too.
I will do the same for you, Nicola
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
Cinders, Im so sorry you are having a difficult time. I just want you to know that God does love you and he is listening to your prayers. He already knows what it is you desire. Just let him handle all your worries. Take them and lay them at his feet. You live your life and God will take care of you.
Youre in my thoughts,
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
Thank you so much for your love and kindness !!!! It is always so comforting to come back and find such loving posts and such caring words.
I'm doing ok.
H is being indifferent and a bit cold towards me.
I haven't seen or spoken to him much, but today we spoke on the phone as he called the kids after they had gone to bed, and he seemed angry at me for having put the kids in bed early. It wasn't intetional, we have had a busy weekend, and the kids were tired. They were in bed just before 7pm, they called H but he was at the movies.... D7 jumped out of bed when he called them back at around 7.15....she had heard the phone and was still awake as she really wanted to talk to her daddy. Poor thing.
Went to a birthday party today with the kids, it was lovely. Only thing was...there were all complete families there. It still hurts, even though, I'm getting much better at it.
I know God is still out there, and I do talk to him and pray, I cry and beg, and am thankful too. Never thought life would turn out this way. It's hard to imagine ever living with H again in my life. To be honest it seems impossible. Maybe it's for the best that he has no intentions of ever coming back. Will he one day face his consequences...only God knows. I think life will always be 'easy' for him....it's just the way it has always been.
Thank you all so very very much for caring enough to write and encourage me. It is very much appreciated and I love you all for it !!!
You are an AMAZING bunch of people !!!!!! xxxxxxx
God bless you all !!!!
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
Cinders, God never takes something from us without replacing it with something far better! God Bless You.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
It's hard to imagine ever living with H again in my life. To be honest it seems impossible. Maybe it's for the best that he has no intentions of ever coming back.
It is always so comforting to come back and find such loving posts and such caring words.