He's dark, I'm dark, everyone is dark

[hoosiermama]

Poet--

You're right--I don't know why we keep wasting our time on that other person't thread. It's not like our input is valued there.

I'm still pretty new at this myself, and have until very recently been in the middle of more than one crisis. So I haven't posted a lot on other threads because I'm not sure how much I have to offer. The other thing is I haven't had much opportunity for real db'ing, because I'm at the stage where my H is running far and fast toward someone else and I'm only a speed bump for him, not even a real person. It's hard to db when they're not paying attention!

Sounds like your H is an angry control freak. It's hard not to feel like a victim under the circumstances, but that's a really miserable place to be. Being a victim is bad for your self-esteem, which is already suffering greatly. It's also bad karma sometimes, as it seems to result in sharks circling because they smell blood. My experience is that people (not friends, just unkind others) seem to enjoy kicking you when you're down. So whatever you can do to take some control over your life will be helpful. Keep your thumb drive with you, use all those computer thingies mentioned above--so you can at least have some privacy. And definitely refuse to talk with him, because he's bullying and intimidating you. If there are things he legitimately needs to communicate, it can be done either through lawyers or email or messages. I know the natural tendency is to want to have an opportunity to have a positive conversation, but that's not likely to happen while he's in this angry, controlling, punishing phase.

Definitely do the massage!! I'm planning one when I get my first paycheck. You need to be touched, and the massage will get some endorphins flowing, which is very helpful. In addition, you will feel more relaxed and even able to breathe again; I have found on many occasions that I've been holding my breath without realizing it. I received some Healing Touch, and was able to release that breath-holding, and it did wonders for my anxiety. How are you sleeping? That can also make a big difference for you emotionally. For me, I could fall asleep with no problem, but would always wake up in the middle of the night and be unable to go back to sleep. Only recently that's changed, and I feel worlds better. There are some otc herbals that can help with that--especially valerian (pills, not tea--it smells bad but works well).

Hope that's helpful. Good for you, to ask for what you need!