The Door That Never Closes!

[Treese]

Thanks everyone for all your advice.....

I was reading Cinders thread and she is feeling down also....it does get to the point where you want to hate them...but yes I know that's what they want....I have never told my H I hate him but have hated what he's done....that was a very long time ago though....I have not called him, emailed him....nothing....unless it is an important issue with the kids which isn't very often....

H kept our son Friday night and drove us all to his games on Saturday....it was a nice day....I really didn't talk to H much as he is one of the coaches....got home about 7ish...I knew H wasn't going to stay...you can feel the tension....but one thing that is going on right now, hurts.....well, there are many things that hurt but this is about our children....I noticed when we got home, my H was checking his engine and my son was right by his side....usually son comes in right away to change and eat....He actually stayed right by my H's car....this tears your heart out...my son misses his dad.....
Son eventually came in when I made him dinner and H came in to say goodbye....

today....I will clean the house....I have a pounding headache..

I plan on calling the attorney tomorrow to see what I can find out....I don't want to divorce just protect what I've worked for so she doesn't get it....yes, if this child is his then he needs to step up to the plate and support him....I know though that when those results come back..I will be going through all these emotions all over again....the bombs are never ending....

As I sat on my front porch the other day....I wondered...what Happened to my wonderful world....my life....and how am I going to do this on my own.....well....I've been doing it for several months now and I'm still moving...still alive....still get out of bed (although its very difficult)...still go to work....and still take excellent care of my children....I love my kids more than anything....they are my world....I will do whatever it takes to take care of THEM.....God gave them to me for a reason...to take care of them..love them, nuture them....and teach them right from wrong....I'm doing all that....that's all I can do.....

((((hugs)))

Treese